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A Cornucopia of Crack

 

For this post, I present to you a cornucopia of crack. I hope that it’s bouquet is light enough for those who haven’t entirely acquired the taste for this sort of thing, but that the flavor is also robust enough for those who partake in crack regularly.

Stories have been shortened or modified in some cases for entertainment purposes and for the sake of simplicity.If you are curious to learn more about a particular story, feel free to email me, comment below, PM me, etc.

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It’s 1am and I still can’t sleep. The room is dark and I’m floating somewhere between awake and not. I roll over onto my side and see that my night stand- a mini shrine that I keep next to my bed, is on fire. I find myself telling my astral companion “Hey look, everything is on fire. Huh.”

And what does any good Kemetic do when things are on fire?

They execrate.

The scene is set, somehow I’m not quite watching myself in first person view, but I’m not entirely in third person view, either. I can no longer tell if I’m in my room or not anymore, but it doesn’t really matter. I see Set and Osiris’ statues looking on as I begin to throw things into this fire which has consumed everything next to my bed. The words that escape my mouth are forceful and stern. I still don’t know where they came from, but they remind me of something that you would read out of a formal execration. To this day, I can’t recollect the exact words, either.

I guess you could say I got caught up in the moment.

I told the foes to run, for I and my companions were with Ra, and nothing could stand against us. In my half awake state, I managed to say the names of multiple friends and companions who were in need of some assistance. I guess my brain was still with me, somehow.

And then I rolled over and fell asleep and forgot about it for about a week or two- when I realized that “Oh yeah, my room was on fire and I totally execrated the hell out of everything for everyone”. Two weeks is my incubation time for most standard magix, and lo! most of the people I had mentioned in my execration had seen some form of improvement between then and the two week waiting period.

Crack execration mission: Accomplished.

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I’m kneeling down in front of a tray of offerings. Everything has a Japanese flair to it- the offering tray, the offerings themselves, the incense that I’m lighting. Normally, on any given day, my clothing would have a Japanese slant, too, but today is different.

My companion stands behind me, half hidden in the darkness. This is his first trip here, he’s never met Set before- at least not to my knowledge. Set slowly enters from the darkness on the other side of the offering tray. My companion stiffens slightly, hoping to go unnoticed by Set. Set comes in, clothing as fancy and extravagant as normal – deep purples, shining golds, thick heavy fabrics that trail the ground. He sits down and stares at me briefly- something he is apt to do.

“You’re wearing a new dress,” he says to me, finally.
I respond with a drawn out, unsure “….yeah? … is there something wrong with that?”
“Where did you get it?” he asks me sharply.
“It was made for me to wear, why do you care?” I shoot back.
Set looks at me, then looks up at the man standing behind me, “did you make this?” he says, pointing at me. He almost seems annoyed.
You can’t hear or see the response, but you can feel it, my companion nods slightly.

Set sits there quietly for a moment, thinking. He suddenly cuts the silence with “You will make more of these! I like this dress. It makes your breasts look good!”

I’m taken back by this statement. “What is wrong with what I normally wear, huh?!” I yell back at him. “And why are you looking at my chest?!”

All he does is laugh at me and tell me to wear this dress more often.

___________________

“You were never meant to have this piece,” Osiris says, as he thrusts his hand into my torso.

It’s nighttime, and I’m floating in the river. I’ve come to give up something that is not mine. Something that was given to me to keep safe, but something that I’m no longer meant to have. His hand reaches into me and pulls out the piece. I don’t ever get to see what it looks like- I’m too deep in the water by that point, and all I can see is the blood that fills the water above me.

I will continue to sink into the never ending water until there is nothing but darkness around me. When the time is right, O will give the nod to Set and they will slowly draw me up out of the abyss. I’m dragged out of the water and left on the shoreline where I lay lifeless. I’ve a friend with me tonight, and he is extremely concerned. He asks the two deities what is going on, why I’m not moving.

“That’s because she’s dead,” says Set bluntly.
“She needs to find herself,” O says quietly.

Neither of these responses please him.

As I float in the darkness, looking for what I need to find, Osiris tells me that there is still more work to be done. He isn’t kidding.

_______________________

My companion and I had just entered the Pit- the location where I usually meet up with Set when I’m actively working on things. Tonight is to be a fun night- Set is to remove a bit of nastiness from my ribcage. It should prove to be a painful and exciting evening. I knelt down and began to light the incense when I hear Set’s voice tell me that it isn’t necessary. I’m confused by this, as we always have incense, but before I can say anything about it, I find myself pinned against a wall and a knife at my throat. He asks me if I’m ready to begin, and I ask Set what the hell he’s doing when I realize –

This isn’t Set.

You know all of those times when we harp about discernment? Here is one of those times.

Set has had to do some invasive stuff to me in my day. He’s cut things out of me, he’s ripped off limbs that were decaying. I’ve had a lot of work done- but it has never been without some level of warning. I ask this entity who they are and what they want. I get a sly grin in return.

“Perceptive, aren’t we?” the man responds.
“I’ve spent too much time staring at Set to not know when its not him,” I quip back.

And then we spar. Astral fights are always a mixed bag. You can never tell what the person will bring to the table- magix, weapons, both. Forms change and lights flare as we play this cat and mouse game in the dark- as the Pit is as dark as the darkest night. However, I am no stranger to the dark- I have lived in the Pit. I’ve become part of the Pit.

To a degree, I am the Pit.

This entity must realize that he is at a tactical disadvantage and decides to try and take a psychological approach to beating me. He picks at a recent bit of shadow work that I’ve been tackling. He taunts me about being a Nobody, just like him. That we are both Nobodies, and no one cares or misses Nobodies like us.

Rule number one to fights like this- never show your weak side.

We banter back and forth as the sparring continues. Eventually, the entity is sent packing and the real Set shows up and the whole shebang can get started.

He will give me flack for the next few weeks because every time I show up I double check that it’s actually him.

______________________

I am troubled. My mind runs a million miles per second. In my mental flurry, I find myself at the river. O brings me close to him and we step into the water. I’m mumbling and spewing all sorts of worries and concerns; the contents of my brain exploding out of my mouth. O pays no mind. He brings my hands up to his face while I continue on.

And then I’m falling through the water. O had shoved me under while I was mid-sentence. The view is different, and everything appears to be surreal. I can’t tell if I’m actually under the water, or watching a vision of myself under the water.

My hand reaches up for the surface, my hair circles around my face- but no matter how I try, I can’t find a way to move up. That must mean that the answer to my problems lies down at the bottom of the river. I release all of the air in my lungs and slowly sink into the darkness. As the darkness consumes me, I see an image of a statue. The statue is obscured in darkness, but you can make out a few details- there are two sets of multi-colored wings, a was scepter, and the skin is brass or gold.

I contemplate this statue for a bit, wondering what it could mean. When I come to, I find that I am resting in O’s lap on the banks of the river. I look up at him as he kisses my forehead and proceeds to pick me up, taking me back to the river to send me home.

“That’s it?! That’s your magical advice?!” I yell at him as we fall back into the water.

Yes. That’s it.

_____________________________

I’ve recently found myself going to a river in my visions and meditations. Often times while there, a man will join me- a man I’d later come to find out is Osiris. On this particular night, I find myself floating in the water, close to the banks of the river. As I lay there, I find that a vision takes over. In this vision, I am watching two people off in the distance. To the right is a tall man. To my left there is a woman on the ground- she is burned to the point that you can’t even recognize most of her features. There is panic and anger in the air.

I scream at the man “What did you do to her?!” I am not me, but watching these events through someone else’s eyes.
He looks down at me an coldly responds “I taught her a lesson.” before he walks off into the distance.

Panic sets in. I find that I am thinking to myself “what can I do to save her? What can be done? Why did this happen? What do I do?!”

I find myself back in the river. I contemplate the meaning of this vision, what its trying to tell me. Before I get very far, I find that I have been dragged into a different location. This place is very dark and warm. There is an orange and red flicker to the walls- I assume from fire. On the ground is a woman. She is charred and emaciated. Looking at her, she reminds me of the woman in the vision sequence prior- the woman who was burned by the man. Instinctively, I grab her up and hold her in my arms. As I hold onto her, I feel these emotions overtake me. Sadness, pain, suffering. I try not to panic, but I don’t know what to do. I try to pump as much love into her as I can muster, but I’m still mentally flailing.

In a moment of desperation, I decide to take her to the river. I mean, it can’t hurt, right? I run out into the water, her still in my arms. We get into the deeper portions and then we sink down into the water- falling and sinking until there is nothing but blackness around us.

And in that very moment, I figure out what it is that the river does.

When we surface, I find that the woman’s skin is no longer charred and burned, but instead looks as though it has healed. She still looks emaciated, but she is at least whole and certainly more healed than when I found her. As I sing softly to her, a man watches from the opposite bank.

It was the first of many many times that I would bring things to the river to be drowned.

 

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The Cycle: Making the Halves Whole

 

Let’s go back to Set for a minute. I mentioned back in the first post that Set had given me instructions about making my halves whole. He was never very specific about what he meant by this. I took it to mean something fairly ‘fortune cookie’ in nature. Quit being at war with yourself. Make peace with yourself. Make your dark and light sides balance… make that stuff whole.

Which, is partially right.

But now we’re back to layers again. And how everything has layers in Egyptian religion. And sometimes something is as straight forward as it sounds (at least on one layer or another). And in this case, Set wasn’t being entirely vague in his statement. He was being quite literal for once.

Allow me to explain.

Back in college, I ran with a group of entities on the astral. Although I’ve been only recently discussing astral stuff, I have had my fingers in the astral pie in some form or another for many years now. I had trusted these people, they were like family to me.

Well one day, something changed. I don’t entirely understand what or why, but I woke up one morning to someone that I would equate to my father standing over me. I was on the ground, unable to move. He smiled, said something about ruining me, and then slammed his whole hand into the center of my chest. The reverb was so painful- it’s one of the most painful things I’ve experienced in my life. It felt like someone had literally ran a hole punch through me. It had quite literally created a black hole in my chest. He had taken a part of me away and ran off with it.

Its because of this black hole that I stepped away from astral crap in general. I could feel that pain everywhere- waking or asleep. And over time, this darkness, this taint would seep from it. In many ways, taint is a lot like isfet. It corrodes your body, your mind, your will to do anything, and over the years, that taint began to consume me- to the point that my brain was nothing but negativity- it was this black ooze that existed in the Pit that Set sent me to. Whether Set actually sent me to the insides of the physical hole in me, or a metaphorical version- I can’t say, but the parallels are obvious (plus, who better to send me to fight something that is very isfet in nature, but the deity who is responsible for handling isfet every night). The layers of meaning and symbolism are miles thick. But there is more to this.

As I had mentioned- that person ran off with a piece of me. And then someone somehow got that piece from him, because I guess it contained something he wanted. He then took that part of myself, and beat the crap out of it- trying to get at whatever was inside. As he would do this, I would see visions and flashes of myself being bound, beat up, smacked around, you name it. And as it turns out, when Set was telling me to make my two halves whole- he was literally saying- get this part of you back. Reclaim it. Take up your pieces and make yourself whole again.

I couldn’t really appreciate that until I started to work with O in the river. Truth be told, I expected to never get that part of me back. I expected to live the rest of my life with this huge hole in me, and part of me being man handled by someone else who was out of my reach.

Turns out Set and O had other ideas, other plans. I would be useless to them long term with such a large wound in me. For them, there was no other option but to fix this.

Through the help of some other friends, I was able to have that piece of me freed and returned to me, where I drug it back to the river to be cleansed. As I had written at the time:

I’m standing on the banks of the river, and I run down to the waters edge, where this huge ball of light comes flying out of the sky and lands in my arms. Like a falling star, but much bigger. I hold this portion of me. This beat up, pathetic looking, dead, sad portion of me. I speak some words to her. Healing words. Words of happiness. As I start to enter into the water, O appears behind me, telling me its safe, and handing me my stone. I go into the center of the water and fall back. We fall into the water, and I give her more words. More peace. And slowly the water turns into blue and gold… a lot like lapis. I then see that both O and S are standing on the river banks. And after a little bit of me floating in this lapis, they come into the water, and pull me up and take me to the bank. I’m laying there, O to my right S to my left, and they are drawing stuff on me.. it glows gold. They say some stuff I don’t remember and O places his stone in my right hand and S places his stone in my left. They say some more stuff and take my arms up and clink the stones together, which causes some sort of light show on me and around me. Set tells me that the two halves are now whole. And then I’m told I should go home and rest. At which point I’m plopped back into the Room, onto the bed, soaking wet.

Suddenly, things made so much more sense. And with that, the Cycle had ended, well at least the first round had. Cycles are never ending- and as soon as you finish one, you’re just as likely to be sucked into another (which I have). This cycle took 3 years to complete, but I came out the other end much better for all of the strife I endured.

I don’t really know what the moral to this long story is, other than to keep your mind open (and that O wanted me to tell it to you). Many of us have preconceived notions on what the gods will do for us, and its entirely possible that one day you’ll wake up, and find that a god is throwing you down a rabbit hole that leads to somewhere completely different and better (and off of the history books). Many times we try to claw our way back up, instead of riding the chute down, but if you ever do find yourself being hurdled towards something crazy and different, and there just so happens to be a god along for the ride- I urge you to consider riding it out, to see where it takes you. Odds are, its somewhere filled with crack, but still pretty awesome.

Other Parts of This Series:

 

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The Cycle: The River

In the middle of the desert is a river.
At the bottom of the river is a door.
On the other side of the door lies the answers to everything.
But to open the door, you have to reach it.
In order to reach it, you must get to the bottom of the river.
To get to the bottom of the river, you must die.
To die, you must drown.

In the middle of the desert is a river.

The river is a convoluted piece of work. I had begun to see the river in late 2011. However, I wasn’t in a good place to begin my work there. My stomach was in so much pain that I could barely function. My stress was through the roof. And the thought of working with Osiris and his episode at the river were almost more than I could handle. I think he sensed this, and he backed off… for a while.

Shortly before Wep Ronpet of this year, I found myself back at the river- O standing there, looking at me. He was calling me silently, asking me to come into the water with him. Telling me that it would be safe, for this is a safe place. And only through these means could things be fixed. I struggled with writing about this for months. I had written briefly when it started:

I must take my wounds and cut them open. To allow them to bleed and to heal properly this time around. Once again, Osiris leads me back to the water, he beckons me in, reminding me that this place is safe. That there is healing to be brought, and lessons to be learned. There is no way to embrace my light without facing those who told me I had no light within me. I can’t move forward unless I completely face, embrace and own my past. I have to remove the lies and see my actions, and their actions, for what they are – as well as for what they aren’t. Unfortunately, unlike a physical wound which requires one cut and waiting for the wound to empty, this will more than likely be a lot more drawn out. A lot more painful. Much like his own mythology, this process may involve tearing myself apart again so that I may be put back together properly. So that I may function correctly and as a whole person yet again.

Thus began the second half of this Cycle. A journey to the river that is laden with crack and weirdness, but ended up making me complete again. I didn’t really know what to expect. And I didn’t know where any of this was going. But I knew that only one path lay ahead- the river, and whatever lie inside of it, beyond it. Much like O staring his own death in the face- there was no avoiding it. To run would only delay the inevitable. Better to face the fear, the crazy, and jump in head long. So I took the plunge.

It started with getting rid of anger. When O managed to get me back to the river, I had amassed a huge pile of anger. And the first step was to eradicate it- which I did through the water. I’d throw water. Stomp on it. Sling it around. Hit it. And I did so for a few days- fairly non-stop (in my head). And then after a while, I realized the anger had left. I had no more left in me for that. And once the anger left, I was able to give way to acceptance and yield to the rivers movements. Only once the anger had left was I able to actually get to work.

If there is anything that seemed to symbolize the river the most, it was a piece of lapis. Every time I would show up at the river, O would place a piece of lapis in my right hand. To this day, I’m not entirely sure what it meant, but it seemed to be important. For the first few visits with him, he’d stand with me, hug me, drag me out to the center of the river, lay me back in the water, and place that lapis in my hand. I assume the initial work was healing. Preparing me for what lay ahead. Cleansing what could be cleansed in my current state.

And then the crack really started to flow.

I went through a series of visions and mental/astral adventures where I would either:
A. Find a part of myself
B. Have stones removed from me

In the case of point A, I’d be rocketed off to some location. And I’d find a version of myself- usually all messed up looking. I’d grab my portion of “me” and make my way back to the river. When this would happen, I would have these overwhelming emotions as I would take my parts, and walk into the water. I’d get into the middle, hold on tight, and fall backwards. Both portions of myself would sink to the bottom slowly. Drowning. Dieing. Succumbing to the water, the process, the death, the healing. And at the bottom, you’d reach the door, and it would open up and show you something.

Sometimes, I would see stars. Sometimes pain. Sometimes I’d just light up like a Christmas tree. It really depends. And each time is a little different. No recollected piece ever reacts exactly the same.

In the case of point B, usually O would be with me. Sometimes he’d cut me open. Sometimes a pre-existing orifice would be used. There was a time when I was sitting with him at the river. My stomach was killing me. I was frustrated and in pain. And he is standing there, looking at me. And all of a sudden- BAM! He just.. shoves his hand into my stomach and slowly pulls out these black shards that look like obsidian. One by one he draws them out of me, and then shatters them. And after he has pulled out what he can, he drags me into the water, where I fall back, sink, succumb, die, and the door would open.

The process- its similar every time, yet it’s different every time. Slowly but surely, O was helping me to find the pieces I had lost of myself. He was helping me to heal them, eradicate what I no longer needed, and merge with myself. He was slowly making me whole.

And then I hit a bump. A huge bump.

Other parts of this series:

 

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