RSS

Tag Archives: polytheist

Jan 31: He Opens the Way

So I had an idea that completely side-railed me that I want to try and do this year. I wanted to hold a ritual for Wpwt on Jan 31 as a means of opening up the rest of the year for continued success. In many ways, I consider January a liminal time. You’re still adjusting to the fact that it’s a new year. You’re probably still writing down the wrong date halfway through January. It’s a period of shifting from what was (the year prior) to what is (the current, new year.) Since Wpwt is associated with anything that goes first (such as the first born) because he opens the way for that First to happen, I thought it would be interesting to experiment with asking him to officially open up the year so that we can meet our goals and/or needs.

The version that I will be doing of this ritual will include petitions from others along with petitions for myself. For those who want to participate at home, you’re welcome to only read off your own requests to Wpwt, or you’re welcome to share them around and have multiple people read off your requests to Wpwt. If you’re reading this and want to participate but don’t have the ability to do so, feel free to contact me directly with what you’d like to submit for a petition, and I’ll add it to my ritual.


Approaching the Shrine:

O you two pillars of Ra, I rise up to meet you, and I enter between you.
I am one whose mouth is pure, whose teeth are strong,
and what I detest is wrong doing against Atum, because I honor Ma’at.
Oh you doorkeeper, prepare a path for me that I may pass,
for I am one who washes their mouth and who chews on myrrh, who lives on ma’at.
Prepare a path for me for I live on what they live on,
and I am alive and flourishing forever and ever.
I come and go between the two pillars of Ra and the two djed pillars of Geb.
I am one whose mouth is pure!

O He who separates the sky from the earth, in your powers guiding Ra on the hidden paths,
Allow me near to you. Allow me into your presence, in all of your places.
I have come that I might give great abundance in the presence of Wpwt.
I entering into the abode of the Great God,
I have come to you with my soul behind me and my authority before me.
I have made my way and I enter into your presence.
I am one of you.
Do not repulse me on the god’s path.
My feet are not impeded, I am not turned back from the god’s place.
I have looked upon you. I know you.
I have entered this place with ma’at in my heart.

*Step forward, or open the shrine, depending on your setup*

I open your temple. I come to you.
Your warmth and beauty surrounds me as I enter. I am not repulsed.
Behold, I have come to you to offer Ma’at,
to make sound the Eye for its lord.

Presentation of Light:

*Turn on light or light candle, etc.*

May you awake in Beauty, O Glorious Eye of Heru.
Be strong and renew your youth in peace.
You shine like Ra on the double horizon.
Your word is ma’at, by reason of your Eye, whole and pure.
The Eye of Horus destroys all of the enemies of the
Two Lands in all of their places.
Nothing is hidden from the fiery sight
Of the Eye of Horus, Glorious and Complete.

Purification of offering space:

*Take up water bowl/pitcher*

O water, may you remove all evil,
I give you essential water, O Wpwt, a tide in your time.
I bring the flood waters to purify your sanctuary.
I bring you the flood waters to purify your temple
and your statue in your place.

*wet your finger and touch the four sides of your shrine, offering table or plate, etc.*

O Wpwt, your altar is cleansed by the water;
Your altar is purified by the incense;
You are cleansed by Horus;
You are purified by Thoth.
Water invigorates your body;
It is I, your servant,
who comes to you in the palace where you reside.

Presentation of Libations:

Greetings to you, primordial water
Greetings to you, O river
Greetings to you, Great Flood,
You, the father of the gods.

*Pour the libation into a cup or bowl*

This libation is for you, O Glittering One.
This libation is for you, O Foremost of the Ennead, come drink it.
Take the vase filled with the emanations of your ka; it is what comes out of you
I pour for you the primordial water to satisfy your statue;
your heart is revived by the waters of youth
I have brought you this Eye of Horus and placed it at your feet.
I present to you that which flows from you
So that you may renew your youth in peace.

Presentation of Offerings:

I come near you, O Lord of the Heavens,
I bring the food and provisions for your subsistence.
Your altars are piled high with offerings of all sorts and forms.
Every follower, every servant, every devotee has come
To bring you the bounty of their hearts
So that you will truly be he who is satisfied among his offerings.

*place offerings on shrine/altar*

I am Hathor, the Lady of Nourishment;
Who multiplies the cakes and gives life
to the one who is faithful to her.
I have brought you nourishment
so that you may Thrive.
For as you Live, I Live.

Offering Ma’at:

Homage to you O He who opens the beautiful Path.
Who is Established upon His Seat.
I have placed myself on the floor in awe of you.
I embrace the earth before you.
I have come to you as Thoth, and my two hands are joined under ma’at.
Your ma’at is for you, O Great God,
She is in front of you, She emerges from your lips, She cuts your tongue.
Your heart lives when she rises before you.
Ma’at comes to you, in all of her radiance.
Your heart is glad when she appears before you.
She has come so that she may be with you.
Ma’at is in every place that is yours,
So that you may rest upon her.
Ma’at has taken her position within your shrine.
Thoth, the One who is Great of Magic, makes protection for you
And overthrows your enemies.
Ma’at is established throughout your Domain, truly twice established.
She resides in your heart for eternity.
Have peace and flourish through Her, O Lord of the Two Cobras.

O venerable god, I draw near to you.
Hear me, He who opens the body of his mother.
Hear me and see that the first month of 2019 is at an end.
The liminal time between yesterday and tomorrow is coming to a close.
As your servants take their first steps into the rest of the year,
I beseech you to open the path for the rest of 2019.

O He who knows the hidden ways,
Hear the words of your servants, and help them find their way forward
towards a more balanced, ma’at-driven life in this 2019.
O God of Great Power, hear my request and help
Open the way for each of us so that we may continue to
Honor the NTRW for years to come.

[[insert your specific petition(s) here]]

O Lord of Ma’at,
I place myself behind you
On each and every day of this 2019
As you place yourself behind me
On each and every day of this 2019.

Oh beneficent NTR
May the path be open so that ma’at thrives for us
for the rest of 2019.

Reversionn of offerings:

O Lord of the Sacred Lands, your enemies withdraw from you.
Heru has turned himself to his Eye in its name of Reversion-of-Offerings.
These your divine offerings revert;
They revert to your servant for life, stability, health and joy.
So that you may flourish for eternity.


And if you want something else to do next week, check out Sat’s Ptah festival rubrics and schedule over here.

Advertisements
 
5 Comments

Posted by on January 19, 2019 in Kemeticism, Year of Rites

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Propitiation of Sekhmet Rubric

Here is the first rubric for this year’s propitiations. For January, I’ll be focusing on Sekhmet. This rite is written with the possibility of dancing for Sekhmet, or potentially playing music for Sekhmet. While I don’t think it’s necessary to do so, I have left room in the verbiage to accommodate it, since it seems to have been a big “thing” in antiquity with propitiation rites. Feel free to dance or not dance as you see fit.


Approaching the Shrine:

Come. Rise. Come to me in peace.
Come to me so that I may make Jubilation at twilight for you
with music in the evening.
Exalted is your power, O burning One, O Sated One,
O Mighty One, Powerful, Skillful of Flames,
Lady of the Sky, Mistress of the Two Lands,
O Eye of Horus, and his guide,
Lady of Eternity, Fiery One,
O Red One, whose Flame burns,
Divine Protectress, who guides the people,
O Lady of Fire, O Searing One,
O Devourer, O Scorching One,
May you awake in peace.

The beauty of your face glitters when you rise. O come in peace.
One is drunk at your beautiful face, O Sekhmet, come in peace.
O Sekhmet, you are exalted
in the hair of Ra, in the hair of Ra.
Do not repulse me upon your path, O Sekhmet.
My feet are not impeded, I am not turned back from the god’s place.
I have looked upon your Beauty, O Sekhmet. I have come to you,
and you two uraei have enclosed me.
I have entered this place with ma’at in my heart
In order that I may sate your thirst and ease you into a state of Greenness.
Great is your majesty when you are propitiated.
Everything that you see is yours, so long as Ra crosses the sky.
Everything that you see is yours, so long as Geb takes root in the earth.
There is no god who does what you dislike when you appear in peace and glory.

*Step forward, or open the shrine, depending on your setup*

I open your temple. I come to you.
Your warmth and beauty surrounds me as I enter. I am not repulsed.
Behold, I have come to you to offer Ma’at,
to make beautiful jubilation for my goddess.

Presentation of Light:

*Turn on light or light candle, etc.*

May you awake in Beauty, O Glorious Eye of Heru.
Be strong and renew your youth in peace.
You shine like Ra on the double horizon.
Your word is ma’at, by reason of your Eye, whole and pure.
The Eye of Horus destroys all of the enemies of the
Two Lands in all of their places.
Nothing is hidden from the fiery sight
Of the Eye of Horus, Glorious and Complete.

Purification of offering space:

*Take up water bowl/pitcher*

O water, may you remove all evil,
I give you essential water, O Sekhmet, a tide in your time.
I bring the flood waters to purify your sanctuary.
I bring you the flood waters to purify your temple
and your statue in your place.

*wet your finger and touch the four sides of your shrine, offering table or plate, etc.*

O Sekhmet, your altar is cleansed by the water;
Your altar is purified by the incense;
You are cleansed by Horus;
You are purified by Thoth.
Water invigorates your body;
It is I, your servant,
who comes to you in the palace where you reside.

Presentation of Libations:

Greetings to you, primordial water
Greetings to you, O river
Greetings to you, Great Flood,
You, the father of the gods.

*Pour the libation into a cup or bowl*

This libation is for you, O Glittering One.
This libation is for you, O Sekhmet, come drink it.
I give you this daily joy; It drives away the evil in your heart.
I give you drunkenness without unpleasantness; It gives brilliance to your ka.
I have brought you this Eye of Horus and placed it at your feet.
I present to you that which flows from you
So that you may renew your youth in peace.

Presentation of Offerings:

I come near you, O Sekhmet,
the uraeus of Ra, the protector of all gods.
Cattle and geese are slaughtered for you,
the pieces of your enemies are on the flame.
You inhale their aroma. The haunches dissipate your violence.
Take the pieces of your enemies who are on the flame;
The entire retinue of the NTRW rejoices over their fat.
Take the food and provisions for your subsistence.
Your altars are piled high with offerings of all sorts and forms.
Every follower, every servant, every devotee has come
To bring you the bounty of their hearts.

*place offerings on shrine/altar*

I am Hathor, the Lady of Nourishment;
Who multiplies the cakes and gives life
to the one who is faithful to her.
I have brought you nourishment
so that you may Thrive.
For as you Live, I Live.

O Sekhmet, turn yourself about and see
me, your servant, this sun, this Lord of Light
See me as my body speaks out to you, O Lady of Fire
As my lips repeat pure Ihy-music for you, O Lady of Eternity.
May your merciful face be towards me
As you see the dancing, O Eye of Ra
As you see the skipping, O Devourer.
Turn about and see that there is no darkness in my chest.
O Glorious Sekhmet, let the music into your heart
So that your face becomes green. As green as a living reed.

O Good Eye who gives Life to the Two Lands
Contentment be what is gotten for you
O Lady of the Bread Offerings
contentment be what you see,
O Lady whose joy is in her papyrus-wand
contentment be what you hear,
O Beautiful Sekhmet on her mountain
contentment be before you,
O Powerful Goddess who presides over the desert
contentment be behind you,
O Heart of Ptah
contentment be your lot.

Offering Ma’at:

Ma’at comes to you, in all of her radiance.
Your heart is glad when she appears before you.
Ma’at has come so that she may be with you.
Ma’at is in every place that is yours,
So that you may rest upon her.
Ma’at has taken her position within your shrine.
Thoth, the One who is Great of Magic, makes protection for you
And overthrows your enemies.
Ma’at is established throughout your Domain, truly twice established.
May your contentment with her wash over you.
She resides in your heart for eternity.

Reversion of Offerings:

O NTRW, your enemies withdraw from you.
Heru has turned himself to his Eye in its name of
Reversion-of-Offerings.
These your divine offerings revert;
They revert to your servants for life, stability, health and joy.
So that you may flourish for eternity.

 
5 Comments

Posted by on January 15, 2019 in Kemeticism, Year of Rites

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Monthly Ma’at: January 2019 Rubric

Here is the rubric for January’s Monthly Ma’at ritual for anyone who is interested!

Approaching the Shrine

Awake in peace, great gods, awake in peace.
I come to you, your servant, your son, I come to you.
Your beautiful scent, it calls me forward.
And upon you filling my nostrils
I, your servant, your son, I come to you.
I have made my way and I enter into your presence.
I am one of you.
Do not repulse me on the god’s path.
My feet are not impeded, I am not turned back from the god’s place.
I have looked upon the NTRW. I have come to them,
and their two uraei have enclosed me.
I have entered this place with ma’at in my heart
In order that you may create peace with
beautiful ma’at upon this day.

*Step forward, or open the shrine, depending on your setup*

I open your temple. I come to you.
Your warmth and beauty surrounds me as I enter. I am not repulsed.
Behold, I have come to you to offer Ma’at,
to make sound the Eye for its lord.

Presentation of Light to the gods:

*Turn on light or light candle, etc.*

May you awake in Beauty, O Glorious Eye of Heru.
Be strong and renew your youth in peace.
You shine like Ra on the double horizon.
Your word is ma’at, by reason of your Eye, whole and pure.
The Eye of Horus destroys all of the enemies of the
Two Lands in all of their places.
Nothing is hidden from the fiery sight
Of the Eye of Horus, Glorious and Complete.

Purification of offering space for the gods:

*Take up water bowl/pitcher*

O water, may you remove all evil,
I give you essential water, great gods, a tide in your time.
I bring the flood waters to purify your sanctuary, great gods.
I bring you the flood waters to purify your temple
and your statue in your place.

*wet your finger and touch the four sides of your shrine, offering table or plate, etc.*

O NTRW, your altar is cleansed by the water;
Your altar is purified by the incense;
You are cleansed by Horus;
You are purified by Thoth.
Water invigorates your body;
It is I, your servant,
who comes to you in the palace where you reside.

Presentation of Libations to the Gods:

Greetings to you, primordial water
Greetings to you, O river
Greetings to you, Great Flood,
You, the father of the gods.

*Pour the water into a cup or bowl*

I present to you, Great NTRW
the cup filled with primordial water;
Which has come from the Two Caverns.
I pour the libation to water your face;
May your thirst be quenched.

Presentation of Offerings to the Gods:

I come near you, O venerable gods.
I bring the food and provisions for your subsistence.
Your altars are piled high with offerings of all sorts and forms.
Every follower, every servant, every devotee has come
To bring you the bounty of their hearts.

*place offerings on shrine/altar*

I am Hathor, the Lady of Nourishment;
Who multiplies the cakes and gives life
to the one who is faithful to her.
I have brought you nourishment
so that you may Thrive.
For as you Live, I Live.

May your hearts rejoice, O Lords of Eternity
Glorious and excellent NTRW
Behold, I have come from the land of the living
to be with you in this sacred place.
I am one of you. My hatred is evil.
I have come on the good path of the upright
In order to make whole all of our limbs
So that we may live Glorious and Complete as the Eye.
For as you live, I live. And as I live; you live.

Homage to you NTRW who are Established upon Your Seats.
I have placed myself on the floor in awe of you.
I embrace the earth before you.
I have come to you as Thoth, and my two hands are joined under ma’at.

Ma’at comes to you, in all of her radiance.
Your heart is glad when she appears before you.
Ma’at has come so that she may be with you.
Ma’at is in every place that is yours,
So that you may rest upon her.
The radiant one coming forth from the head of the one who created her
She comes to you.
You live off of her. You renew your youth when you see her.
Ma’at rests upon your head. She is seated on your brow.
Your right eye is ma’at. Your left eye is ma’at.
Your mouth speaks ma’at. Your limbs do ma’at.
She takes her seat within your ib.
You are rejuvenated at her sight.

O You who Who keeps the land alive through the activity of your arms
I know you. I know your name.
You open the noses of the living.
You keep the gods alive.
O Mistress of Protection, who protects the gods.
I offer gifts to you, for I know your worth.

The NTRW have peace and flourish through you, O Great Ma’at.
Their hearts live when you rise before them.
Rise O Mistress of Ma’at.
Exist so that the gods may exist in peace and harmony.
Take up position within every shrine of every NTR in every place of Your Domain.
Satisfy the hearts of the Ennead and unite with the NTRW
In all of your beauty.

I am Thoth and I present ma’at to you Great Gods.
My hands are upon her beauty before your face.
You exist because ma’at exists
Ma’at exists because you exist.
Ma’at has made her way upon your brow and into your heart,
And she exists before you forever.

Ma’at has taken her position within your shrine.
Thoth, the One who is Great of Magic, makes protection for you
And overthrows your enemies.
Ma’at is established throughout your Domain, truly twice established.
She is yours forever and ever, O Beneficent Gods.
And as she is yours, she is the people’s.
For as you live through her, your people live through her.
For ever and ever, a million times effective.

Revert your offerings:

O Great NTRW, your enemies withdraw from you.
Heru has turned himself to his Eye in its name of Reversion-of-Offerings.
These your divine offerings revert;
They revert to your servant for life, stability, health and joy.
So that you may flourish for eternity.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on January 4, 2019 in Kemeticism, Making Ma'at, Year of Rites

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

New Years 2019

The day dawned cold and wet this new years. I got up before the sun was even up and tried to get everything together for the rites that I wanted to conduct. I had made an attempt to prep everything the night before, but it never fails that the details slip through the cracks for me anymore. Being in the center of 3 other people whose needs and schedules can change quickly, and being a disabled person whose body tends to have its own plans on any given day, it became pretty clear to me before I had even uttered the first word of my ritual that I shouldn’t expect any of the plans that I make for my Year of Rites to be too rigid or concrete, otherwise I would be running headlong into disaster and disappointment.

The first portion of the rite went with minimal issues, and if I could sum it up succinctly, it’d be “I said some words into a cabinet.” Both portions of the ritual I did could be summed up the same way. There is no amazing woo to tell anyone about because, honestly, nothing happened. At all. In that department.

Over the weeks that led up to this, I kept being told that this year was not about Set and Osiris. That it was about the entire pantheon, all of the NTRW, and so I decided to reconfigure the shrine for this year to reflect that. Set and O are sitting around among my other tchotchkes and I opted to make a flat image to use as an icon for this year.

 

I wanted the background to hearken to the Nun, a place that I often see as a place for both death and rebirth. I chose to make the symbols in red and then layer over them with gold and blue. The redness reminding me of the vitality and vibrancy that is within our gods, regardless of how hidden it might become. And I chose to put them on a symbol for gold (nebu) for reasons that I don’t really understand except that it felt Right so I did it.

While I originally had planned on doing the execration during the day and following up with part two in the afternoon, that schedule I mentioned shifted and I ended up doing the execration in the evening, as the sun set. As such, the second rite and subsequent offerings didn’t happen until well after the sun had set.

 

I was partway through my ritual when I remembered that I hadn’t finished my New Years Cloth offering… and so I had to make that while I left the gods to eat their offerings.

I opted to use gold marker and I chose symbols that appeared on the illustration in the book, as well as symbols that I felt would be beneficial for the NTRW in the upcoming year.

And of course, there are the four oranges.

 

Reflections:

One thing that I really noticed during this ritual was that I really am not as pensive or uptight about rituals as I used to be. While I was slightly “ugh” over the fact that certain details got missed, or that I hadn’t finished my offerings before the ritual had been started, etc. — overall, I was just as content and ready to roll with the punches and let the gods deal with it. I wasn’t as concerned with achieving a certain vibe as I had been in the past, and the total mundanity (is that a word??) of it all was quite comforting for me in a way that I didn’t entirely expect. This setup was more formal than what I’ve done in the past, and I think that additional structure helps, but overall it felt less like being under pressure to be perfect and Pious and more like “this is just a thing that I do.”

I also found myself really mulling over the fact that Zep Tepis aren’t always perfect or easily seen. I wanted to be able to time my rites with the sunrise, to allow the sun to really drive home that things were starting anew, but then the clouds covered the sun until about 9am. But when its all said and done, does it really matter? Do I really need the symbolic Zep Tepi to know that I’ve started?

It’s a lot like how most people approach New Years in general. Everyone waits for this symbolic restart, this symbolic date to decide to change themselves. And yet despite waiting for this symbolic date, most of us don’t actually see our changes through to the end of January. I wrote a long time ago about how your Zep Tepi could begin at any time, any place. That waiting for Jan 1 was not necessary, and in some cases, completely unhelpful because of the pressure it puts on you to be perfect straight out the gate.

That the best Zep Tepis pass unnoticed in the very moment when we decide to start working towards something better. That change is not one singular Big Event that causes us to change everything about ourselves. That change is made in tiny, seemingly insignificant choices that can build up to Big Events later on. That the best changes happen incrementally, not overnight when the calendar resets and the year changes.

While I was waiting for some sort of sign that symbolically signaled the changes we’re all undergoing, it became very easy to miss the very real fact that my Zep Tepi happened months ago. This Year of Rites didn’t just magically manifest overnight. I didn’t just wing my ritual. No, this has been in the works since August on some levels, since November on other levels, and since late December for the rest. Just because I didn’t have some awe-inspiring moment in shrine didn’t mean that the work hadn’t been done, or that the work didn’t matter or bear fruit.

Or as I wrote it in my log: Sometimes our Zep Tepi isn’t momentous. Sometimes it passes without notice. Its still important because any time we choose — consciously or not — to improve ourselves, we’re getting closer to ma’at, and that is the point in all of this.

May all of your Zep Tepis in 2019 be amazing — noticed or otherwise.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on January 2, 2019 in Kemeticism, Year of Rites

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

New Years 2019 Rubric

I’ve finally finished putting together the rubric for my first rite in the Year of Rites. Since I said I’d post any rubrics I made up here on WP, I’m posting this here for others to reference if they’d like!

For this New Year, I plan on giving offerings around sunrise, since that’s when I make my breakfast. The first ritual will consist of opening the shrine, purifying the shrine with water, pouring libations, giving offerings, and using heka to build the NTRW a brand new body for the year of 2019.

Later in the day I will be performing a red pot execration with a few other people, which I will then give a second round of offerings and recitations at the shrine afterwards to establish ma’at after the execration is done. The second half includes an offering specifically of oranges, because oranges are in season right now, and are highly associated with New Year for this part of the country. Oranges also have a very solar quality to them, which i felt was fitting for a New Years offering. If oranges are not on the docket, I recommend offering something in multiples of four, to keep the Four Pillars association intact.


Approaching the Shrine:

Awake in peace, great gods, awake in peace.
I come to you, your servant, your son, I come to you.
Your beautiful scent, it calls me forward.
And upon you filling my nostrils
I, your servant, your son, I come to you.
I have made my way and I enter into your presence.
I am one of you.
Do not repulse me on the god’s path.
My feet are not impeded, I am not turned back from the court of the great portal
so that I may conduct the divine service,
that I may present offerings to You that made them.

*Step forward, or open the shrine, depending on your setup*

I open your temple on this first birth of the sun of 2019
And as I enter, rage goes forth.
Behold, I have come to you to offer Ma’at,
to make sound the Eye for its lord for this 2019.

Presentation of Light to the gods:

*Turn on light or light candle, etc.*

May you awake in Beauty, O Glorious Eye of Heru.
Be strong and renew your youth in peace.
A new day has dawned, and with it, a new year.
Conceived at night, born every day — a Zep Tepi is at hand.
As the sun rises over the horizon,
Khepri begins his cycle anew,
his eyes see all under the four pillars of the sky.

My eyes are the eyes of Khepri,
Our light shines throughout the land.
My attraction is the attraction of Khepri.
Our attraction shines throughout the land.

Purification of offering space for the gods:

*Take up water bowl/pitcher*

O water, may you remove all evil,
I give you essential water, great gods, a tide in your time.
I bring the flood waters to purify your sanctuary, great gods.
I bring you the flood waters to purify your temple
and your statue in your place.
The primordial water that purifies this Zep Tepi.

*wet your finger and touch the four sides of your shrine, offering table or plate, etc.*

O NTRW, your altar is cleansed by the water;
Your altar is purified by the incense;
You are cleansed by Horus;
You are purified by Thoth.
Water invigorates your body;
It is I, your servant,
who comes to you in the palace
where you reside on this
beautiful New Year’s Day

Presentation of Libations to the Gods:

Greetings to you, primordial water
Greetings to you, O river
Greetings to you, Great Flood,
You, the father of the gods.

*Pour the water into a cup or bowl*

I present to you, Great NTRW
the cup filled with primordial water;
Which has come from the Two Caverns.
I pour the libation to water your face;
May your thirst be quenched.

Presentation of Offerings to the Gods:

I come near you, O venerable gods.
I bring the food and provisions for your subsistence.
Your altars are piled high with offerings of all sorts and forms.
Every follower, every servant, every devotee has come
To bring you the bounty of the land
On the first Zep Tepi of this 2019.

*place offerings on shrine/altar*

I am Hathor, the Lady of Nourishment;
Who multiplies the cakes and gives life
to the one who is faithful to her.
I have brought you nourishment
so that you may Thrive in 2019.
For as you Live, I Live.

As this year is Renewed, so too is your body.
See me as I give you your eyes, installed in their proper place.
I make sure our Light shines bright,
So that you see things hidden in the dark.
Our eyes see all, nothing is hidden from us in our domain
On this morning of this Zep Tepi.

I give you your mouth in order to eat,
Your throat to carry out its work.
I make your voices victorious to the divine tribunal
in the audience chamber,
I lessen the voices of your enemies.

I give you a brave heart to drive away enemies.
A heart guided by ma’at, living off ma’at.
I strengthen your arms
so that you can strike down your enemies.
I give you your regalia,
so that you may have Authority.

As your body forms anew;
You are imbued with Life and Stability;
Glorious and Complete.

Oh NTRW, turn yourself about and see
this servant, this sun, this Lord of Light.
May your merciful face be towards me throughout 2019.
May your face be green throughout 2019.
As your face is green, so too shall mine be green.
As green as a living reed.

I place myself behind you
On each and every day of this 2019
As you place yourself behind me
On each and every day of this 2019.

Oh beneficent NTRW
May ma’at thrive for us
in this upcoming 2019.

Reversion of Offerings:

O NTRW, your enemies withdraw from you.
Heru has turned himself to his Eye in its name of
Reversion-of-Offerings.
These your divine offerings revert;
They revert to your servants for life, stability, health and joy.
So that you may flourish for eternity.


Part 2

Approaching the Shrine:

O Great NTRW,
Turn your face to me, your servant,
and see what I have done for you.

I have taken the mace that brings out your prestige,
your heart is glad to see it.
I have done what I said I would,
I have driven back the rebels.
Those who commit evil have been
delivered to the block.

Presentation of Offerings to the Gods:

The slaughterhouse of the NTRW is full.
I have acted on behalf of my lord,
Lord of the Slaughter, who-sits-upon-his-oil-barque,
To provide you with the hearts of your enemies.

*place offerings on shrine/altar*

Their bones are beneath your feet.
Their voices are silences.
Their names are unknown.
They do not exist.

I have removed falsehood in your time,
Ma’at triumphs in your space.
I have delivered to you the Four Pillars of your Domain.

*place four oranges on the offering plate*

May the NTRW be satisfied with what I have done.
I have brought Order out of Chaos.
I have made your Domain flourish like Zep Tepi
through the precepts of ma’at.
I have established you within your Domain.
I raise the sky for you,
the horizon is high,
the sky is firm on its four pillars.

I offer you this fabric, a pledge to receive a happy new year.
I open the months of the year, its days and its hours.
I make your house for you, under the sky and its four pillars.

Enter. Take your place in this New Year.
Your seat is firm, established for eternity.

Reverting the Offerings:

O NTRW, your enemies withdraw from you.
Heru has turned himself to his Eye in its name of
Reversion-of-Offerings.
These your divine offerings revert;
They revert to your servants for life, stability, health and joy.
So that you may flourish for eternity.

 
6 Comments

Posted by on December 31, 2018 in Kemeticism, Year of Rites

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Inch by Inch

One of the things that marked my two years of hell was an overwhelming sorrow that I almost always felt. I mean, the sorrow wasn’t new — I knew it was there. But when my brain finally gave up the ghost, the floor that had separated me from that sorrow seemingly disappeared and I was dragged into the sorrow-filled depths below. I have no clue if its accurate, but I feel as though I’d been stuffing all of my sadness into this big ol’ hole in my head, and then disassociating myself away from it as not to let it effect me. Likely, this is due to the fact that my family doesn’t deal well with emotions. Crying is just not something you’re really allowed to do, and so I did everything in my power to never cry and never show any emotion that could be used against me.

But when the floor disappears and you’re drowning in it 24/7, there is no real way to escape it. It becomes an all-consuming totality that is your waking existence.

As such, we tried to address this in therapy. We didn’t talk about the Ocean of sorrow very often, but whenever I’d brush up against it, I’d tell her that my sadness was too large to handle or figure out what to do with. And whenever I got too close to it, it became too overwhelming and Too Much for me to even maintain any semblance of control or ability to even do anything with the feelings that were consuming me.

During one of our last sessions together, I went into a place that existed astrally, but had seemingly been inaccessible to me since 2016. I navigated through these dark hallways and came to a large sphere where my ocean of sadness was seemingly held (don’t ask me, that’s just how it goes with this stuff.) I told me therapist that it hurt to look at it, hurt to touch it. That there was no way I could do anything with such a large sphere. It was too big and too precarious to move, and any attempts to make it smaller were not producing anything.

But because in EMDR-styled therapy we’re bypassing a lot of your conscious brain and letting the subconscious bits do the work, my mind showed me that we could poke a bunch of small holes into the sphere. And that slowly the water would drain, making it more manageable for me to handle. I remember the therapist asking me why I didn’t do these smaller things that would help with the sadness, and I told her that I didn’t fee like it was actually doing anything. She reminded me that Rome wasn’t built in a day and that each journey is made of a bunch of small individual steps. That if I wanted to make progress, sometimes that progress has to be made one tiny little inch at a time. But reminded me that it’s still progress.

I spent years not handling the sadness, partially because I didn’t know how and partially because I didn’t want to, and by the time it came to a point where I needed to do something about it, lest it end me, I found myself expecting to be able to do one or two “somethings” that would make huge dents in this sorrow, and therefore bring me relief.

If there is something that I think many of us do that ultimately hinders our progress in life, it’s that so many of us seem to walk around with the idea that we just need to perform one or two Big Actions to make a Thing happen for us. We lose track of the fact that all of our decisions matter. Every single one of them. And if we want to make the most progress, we shouldn’t only place an importance or emphasis on one or two choices, but on each and every choice we make.

Not to make my segue too harsh, but I saw a couple of posts a few weeks back that were spawned from a series of tweets that Ed Butler had put out into the world. For those who don’t want to click on the link, here is a copy of the tweets in question:

Someone says they want a relationship with the Gods. Tell them to wander out into the desert and nearly die, or to take an entheogen that will have them puking and hallucinating for hours, and they will do it. Tell them to put a little food in front of an icon and they will not. This is because the former, as hard as they are, are easier insofar as they support the person’s vanity, whereas the simple acknowledgment of the reality of the God embodied in the offering of food to an image is like a mortification. One could say that this is because the sinfulness of idolatry has been peculiarly thoroughly indoctrinated into people, but I think that the strangely stubborn aversion in those otherwise nominally inclined points instead to a resistance based in narcissism. Or perhaps a person feels too self-conscious making offerings to an icon; after all, one can hardly feel self-conscious while dying of thirst in the desert or imagining insects swarming over one’s body. But how interesting it is that they fear the one more than the others.

When I read these tweets, I had so many thoughts as to why someone might choose to do something big and grandiose but not something simple and basic or mundane. And while I do think that Butler is correct in that there is a percentage of us who only want to do things that don’t make us uncomfortable or speak to our vanity (or are, for all intents and purposes, performative), as sat talked about in their post, I think another factor of it comes down to the notion I was talking about above (which is similar to the take that this post over here took.)

Which is that so many of us seem to think that one or two Big Things is better than regular/daily smaller inane “useless” things.

I can give you countless examples where I’ve seen this play out in so many different ways across various communities. Where people discount things that appear to be too simple, too small, too mundane. We’re waiting for the One Important Thing that we have to do that will kick off the middle-of-the-movie montage that will rocket us towards our future Selves that we were always supposed to be.

And in that context, I feel its less about appealing to vanity, and more that we’re waiting for one or two major decisions to balance out all of the smaller decisions that we neglected to own or make–for a multitude of reasons (giving up power is another post.) Just like my younger self choosing to tuck those emotions away instead of handling them, I gave up the chance to work through that sadness while it was still small and manageable, up until I had no choice but to face it in its overwhelming totality. And even then, I thought that the idea of letting out a little bit of sadness here or a little bit there was never going to amount to anything of note. I wasn’t trying to turn it into a big production for my ego, I was simply underestimating how much power can be found in these smaller bouts of release.

Now, I want to add a caveat for all of my spoonie readers out there — please keep in mind that this isn’t a post about running yourself into the ground. This isn’t about doing all of the things all the time, nor is it about bludgeoning people in the head with ideas about how gods won’t ever possibly like people don’t do “enough work” in their religious lives or anything like that.

If anything, I am urging everyone reading to remember that every decision has weight. That we can all accomplish more in our lives if we do the tiny things that seem insignificant now, but will ultimately bear fruit later on. That there is no shame in making a practice or life of small, simple things, because those things may lead to amazing places if you let them.

I have found that handling my sorrow a little bit at a time, scratching out some notes here or there, drawing a picture or two, writing a blog post… that these little things slowly allow me to let my sadness out, and allow me to heal a little bit at a time. I don’t feel healed or 100% better yet, but I can tell that it’s getting easier because I keep working at it little by little.

Even if it seems too simple, remember that there is power in simple things. Just because its small doesn’t mean its insignificant.

What role does simple acts play in your practice or life? How often do you consider the weight of these simple acts?

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

The Fight For Yourself

Before I start this post, I wanted to thank everyone who gave me feedback from my last post. It’s great to see that I still have a readership despite being awol for the past year or two, and I’m glad to hear that people like my less informative posts, and were still down with seeing more of my shadow work stuff. So a lot of love to all of you ❤ and with that, now for the actual post…

Being chronically ill is frustrating.

Of course, many of you reading this know that, but it bears repeating all the same — being chronically ill is frustrating. It’s a constant uphill walk, filled with schedules and things you have to do, along with a lot of not-doing things that you want to do. It requires a lot of will power and discipline, which illness loves to collect from you as though it were extracting a fee. It also costs a lot of money and time to be sick all the time. I’ve lost track of how much dough and how many hours I’ve dumped into various doctors appointments, prescriptions, supplements, etc.

When you consistently hate yourself, this battle becomes even more difficult. You end up burning the candle at both ends — telling yourself that you need to do something, because its good for yourself and will make life more bearable, while simultaneously hating yourself for being sick all the time, for making your own experience on this planet even more difficult and frustrating.

Or at least, that’s how it has always been for me.

When I first started therapy, one of the first things that we discussed was the fact that I was so super mean to myself. I was always super critical of everything I did. I was very much like a non-stop version of this:

There is a reason why so many of us end up with this sort of negative internal self-talk. To pull from someone who knows more about this than me:

A flashback-inducing critic is typically spawned in a danger-ridden childhood home. This is true whether the danger comes from the passive abandonment of neglect or the active abandonment of abuse. When parents do not provide safe enough bonding and positive feedback, the child flounders in anxiety and fear. Many children appear to be hard-wired to adapt to this endangering abandonment with perfectionism.

A prevailing climate of danger forces the child’s superego to over-cultivate the various programs of perfectionism and endangerment listed below. Once again, the superego is the part of the psyche that learns parental rules in order to gain their acceptance.

The inner critic is the superego gone bad. The inner critic is the superego in overdrive desperately trying to win your parents approval. When perfectionist driving fails to win welcoming from your parents, the inner critic becomes increasingly hostile and caustic. It festers into a virulent inner voice that increasingly manifests self-hate, self-disgust, and self-abandonment.

The inner critic blames you incessantly for shortcomings that is imagines to be the cause of your parents rejection. It is incapable of understanding that the real cause lies in your parents’ shortcomings. […]

A traumatized child becomes desperate to relieve the anxiety and depression of abandonment. The critic-driven child can only think about the ways they are too much or not enough. The child’s unfolding sense of self (the healthy ego) finds no room to develop. Their identity virtually becomes the critic. The superego trumps the ego.

In this process, the critic becomes increasingly virulent and eventually switches from the parents’ internalized voice: “You’re bad” to the first person: “I’m bad”.

This is unlike the soldier in combat who does not develop a toxic critic. This process whereby the superego becomes carcinogenic is a key juncture where ptsd morphs into cptsd.

(you can read more quotes from Walker’s CPTSD book here.)

In Kemetic circles, you will often hear about how one should “not eat their heart.” In a way, its saying not to devour yourself, to destroy your own essence. Arguably, it’s working against ma’at to eat your heart on a regular basis. It undermines your health, your life, and what the NTRW have given you. Yet for someone like me, eating my heart was all I seemed to be doing. It didn’t look like it on the surface, but deep down, I have always been mean and nasty to myself. I’ve always been bitter at my own limitations, at my own body, at not being what I thought I wanted to be (truthfully, I don’t think I even know what I wanted to be… back to not really having a clear goal of where I’m even going.) I think chronic illness adds another layer to all of this hell because it gives you even more “reasons” to hate yourself, and the society we live in often reinforces that hatred (because western culture doesn’t seem to like disabled people much.)

If my body is a microcosm of my world, and I were to translate how I treated myself to how the NTRW run the Duat, it’d be a case of only going to battle a/pep whenever it suited me. The citizens would cry out in the streets about how isfet was devouring the outer edges of our land, and I’d begrudgingly pick up my spear and bemoan about how I have to go do this yet again to keep our land safe. I’d be the most obnoxious “savior” anyone had ever met. And because of my lack of speed to even help battle a/pep, I’d then have to spend more resources cleaning up the damage after the fact. All because I wasn’t really in it to win it. My heart was gone, for I had eaten it. I wasn’t really fighting for myself as much as I was just… going through the motions and hoping it would work out.

And if we flip that narrative, how would you feel if you saw the gods drag their feet and get huffy every time they needed to go smite isfet? Would you have a lot of confidence in them? Would you want to put your energy into helping or backing them? Or would you be more inclined to not get involved? I suspect a lot of us would waver at the sight of our gods acting like that, and on an internal level, the same thing happens to our neglected selves, our inner children that watch our adult selves shirk off responsibilities and only half-assedly dole out love to our own beings, our own selves. As my inner child told me very early on in therapy, “You care more about your astral self than you do me. Why should I even talk to you.”

If there is one thing I could stress to everyone reading this, it’s that you have to be on your own side in order to win a fight against yourself (and by that, I mean, win a fight against your inner critic.) You can’t be passive in your love of yourself and expect to make headway in loving yourself.

I’m sure many of you are now saying “well that’s all good and well, but I don’t know how to stop hating on myself.”

The method that we used is rooted in the notion of having options. A major factor in PTSD and learned helplessness is the feeling of having no options to take. When we don’t perceive ourselves as having options, we feel like there is nothing we can do, that we are powerless; and often times it means that we don’t even give it an honest shot to try and be successful. The perception of having options (and therefore control in your life) is vital to moving forward.

We often generated options by asking ourself “well, what else might be true?” To give you a more concrete example, we often call ourselves lazy. When you find yourself saying “I didn’t finish it because I’m lazy”, you could ask yourself “what else might be true about that statement?” And you may very well realize that you’re not actually lazy, but are downright tired from a spoon shortage.

Another example might be “everyone hates me” converted into “I feel like everyone hates me.” One is a statement of absolutes, the other allows the possibility that maybe it’s not as bad as it feels right now.

The way that really made this concept stick for me was to step back from myself and go “if I was someone else looking in on me now, would I believe this is true?” Usually I am more forgiving of other people’s shortcomings and problems. I’m more able to be understanding and be lenient, to remind someone that they’re going through a lot, that they’re doing the best that they can. And in turn, I should be doing the same with myself.

I’ve found that this method works best with multiple people to help point out when you’re being mean to yourself. Very often, me and my SO will quip “what else might be true” or “why are you being so mean to yourself” whenever we start with the negative self-talk. It’s been very helpful for noticing those behaviours so that I can work to correct them.

If we believe that heka is an Important Thing, then we believe that our words have power and weight. And as such, we should therefore believe that mean words to ourselves are essentially our own internal execrations thrown against our own hearts. The more we execrate ourselves, the more salted the ground becomes, the less effective we become at everything. We are all amazing hekau — when it comes to execrating ourselves.

I propose that 2018 become the year that we master our internal heka, you know, the internal messages that we tell ourselves. That we truly start to fight for our own well being, for our own needs. That we open up to the possibility that we are not the pieces of shit our world has taught us to believe that we are. That we hold each other accountable, and ask each other to not be so mean to ourselves. That we help each other see our goodness and strong points. That we quit using our energy to break ourselves down, and instead utilize it to build ourselves up.

What untruthful things do you say about yourself? Have you considered whether negative self-talk could be damaging your relationship with yourself and your life? Will you end up working to create more options about how you talk about yourself?

Relevant Posts:

 

Tags: , , , , , , , ,