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A Day of Tinkering

When everything came to Be during the very First Time, everyone agreed that everything was perfect and in its proper place. Time flowed perfectly and the holidays and seasoned synced in perfect harmony. The gods reveled in how everything aligned so well for them. Their world and existence centered around ma’at and Zep Tepi, and this allowed them to keep their world in harmony with seasons, holidays and mythical time all working together in a circular fashion.

However, the humans lived in a place where try as they may, Zep Tepi could only be enacted and recreated for short amounts of time. As the era of humans began to sprawl forever in one direction, they found that time progressed further and further away from Zepi Tepi. Their calendars and seasons became unaligned and everything started to become chaotic for them.

As the calendar and seasons slowly drifted further and further apart, the humans began to reach out to the gods for assistance. “How can we celebrate our holidays when they are drastically so far away from the natural phenomena that they are tied to? How can you expect us to celebrate Wep Ronpet when we are in the middle of harvest?” they asked. “How are we to raise the djed when there is no water in the Nile?” they bemoaned. “How can we properly keep track of time and keep everything in it’s place if our calendar is not effective?”

At first the gods didn’t understand the humans’ requests- time was flowing perfectly for them in the Duat. Everything was in its place, and time was flowing as it should. However, as the situation for the humans dragged on, they slowly began to realize that things were out of alignment. They received petitions for a good yearly flood when the Nile had already left its silt in the valley and was starting to recede. They received offerings of thanks for a great harvest during planting season. Nothing was lining up at all anymore!

Concerned about what would happen if the problem wasn’t addressed, the gods formed a tribunal to figure out what to do. How could they help the humans keep their time on the correct course? Linear time was slightly foreign to them, and they weren’t sure what the best solution was, so they sought out the Netjer who knew the most about time: Djehuty.

They presented their problem to him, and as they were recounting all of the problems that this situation was causing, he pulled out a large map of the stars and began to analyze the situation. There was a long silence after their story was finished, during which Djehuty continued to look into the options that could be utilized to fix the differences between the linear time of humans and the cyclical time of the gods.

“The simplest answer that I can think of,” he said “is to add in another day upon the year every four years. We can call it a Day of Tinkering. This should allow the calendar to stay in harmony with the annual cycles of the year, and with that everything should fall into place.” The gods were ecstatic that he had found a means to solve their problem, and with such little effort, too! As they celebrated and began to send out messengers to tell the humans, Djehuty reminded them that this wouldn’t have become such a huge problem if only the gods would have worked to solve it sooner. “When you ignore the little things, they very quickly turn into big problems,” he told them as he put up his scrolls. “Remind the humans of this, too, when you give them the news.”

And as such, the Day of Tinkering, or as we know it February 29, became a day to address the small problems in your life before they snowball into larger problems.

Ways to Celebrate:

So how does one celebrate the Day of Tinkering? I think the answer to this might depend on what specifically you need to address in your life and where it is that you need to end up between now and the next Day of Tinkering. As they say “look at your life, look at your choices.” Where are you wanting to end up in the next four years? What is currently working in your life? What isn’t? Once you’ve taken an honest look at where you are and where you want to be, you can start to figure out what to tinker with in order to get where you want to be.

Think about experimenting with new ideas and thoughts that can be implemented between now and the next Day of Tinkering. Do you want to have more structure to your life? What sorts of things could you look into to create such a structure? What can you do in order to make sure you stick to that structure? Do you want a better job? What can you do to increase your chances of either getting a better position within your current company or to possibly find work with another company? Perhaps you have a boatload of shadow work to work on. What can you add to your current shadow work to make it more effective?

Remember that not everything needs to be enacted on this particular day. If anything, take the time to play with the ideas that you could work with or implement. Take this holiday to explore your options thoroughly before you pick on (or several). If you have many options and aren’t sure which ones to try out, maybe create a timeline to implement different options at different times to test them out. Maybe give option A a two week trial, and then try out option B for a few weeks to see which one works better.

And of course, don’t forget to let Djehuty know about your tinkering. Leave him an offering or two and let him know some of the changes you’re considering making. Maybe if you’re lucky, he’ll give you a few more ideas to consider on top of what you’ve already thought up!

Other Modern Holidays:

 
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Posted by on February 28, 2016 in Kemeticism

 

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Modern Mythology: May Day is Dick Day

Disclaimer: As I’m sure you can guess by the title, this post discusses dicks and may not be safe for work or suitable for minors. Please use discretion when reading and linking this post.

Last February when I released my idea about a holiday centered around balls, I was approached by another Kemetic who told me that it wouldn’t be fair to leave the other half of the genitalia out of the fun. So to counter Balls Day, we decided to come up with Dick Day, a modern holiday that occurs on May 1 or May Day.

For those who don’t know much about May Day, it is traditionally a holiday that celebrates Spring time and dancing and merry making and features a gigantic dick pole dance. You know the one:

And while Kemetics may not have a local flag pole to deck out with ribbons in honor of our dick flaunting gods and religion, we can still certainly celebrate within our own home in our own way.

Why are Kemetics so into dicks, anyways?

If it’s something that Kemetics seem to be known for, it’s our fixation with dicks, balls, and boobs, and for good reason! Dicks played a rather large role in symbolism in Egyptian antiquity. Dicks were not just symbols of fertility and growth, they were elements of power and strength. Egyptian thought believed that the very spark of creation lay in semen, which is spat out by dicks. Therefore, dicks were tied back to creation, possibly even more so than a woman’s uterus. Without the spark of creation that comes from the semen (and the dick), there would be nothing for the womb to house. The virility of a man was in his ability to wield his dick about, and he who used his dick the most was king of the mountain. For more subtle symbolism, the shrine bolt that closed up many a kar shrine was actually a representation of Set’s dick- therefore, dicks could also protect. They were also bundled up and buried as votive offerings underneath certain temples.

And for those whose power we wanted to remove- so too were the dicks (and hands!) removed.That way, the dead couldn’t utilize their hands in the way that Atum did during Zep Tepi and masturbate their way to rebirth.

So dicks are important. How do we celebrate Dick Day?

There are many ways that you can celebrate Dick Day, but here are a few suggestions to get the ideas flowing:

Harness your creative spark.

Work on projects that you wish to see born or explore your creative side. Maybe use the day for crafting. Start new projects or develop new ideas that you’ve had. You could also do creative projects for your deities as well. You can also perform heka to help promote your creative spark and endeavors. As an example, you could buy seed paper, cut it into the shape of a dick, write your desires on it, and plant it. As it grows, so too will the creativity or creative endeavor that you seek.

Or you could just get creative in the bedroom.

Celebrate your handling of the dicks in your life.

Let’s face it, we all have to deal with dicks in our lives. You know, people who are jerks to you, people who send anon hate, people who are rude to everyone they meet. Those types. For Dick Day, you can always reward yourself for dealing with the dicks in your life. Take some time to perform some self-care and kick your feet up. Eat some dicks to celebrate.

 

Execrate some dicks.

You ever had that one person who is being a dick who just won’t stop? Well this is the day to handle that person. Execration is a great way to get the nasties out of your life, and you can definitely use Dick Day to give your execrations an extra punch. If you wish to perform your execrations in true Dick Day fashion, cut a piece of paper into a dick shape, write the name of the person who is being a dick onto the paper dick, and then proceed to pierce the dick, rip the dick up into pieces and set it on fire before flushing the ashes.

As you can see there are many ways to celebrate the good dicks in our lives and get rid of the bad dicks in our lives. Consider doing a little bit of both for this upcoming May Day! If you happen to celebrate Dick Day or try and of this stuff out, please let me know!

See how others celebrated (nsfw)!

Other Modern Mythology Posts:

 
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Posted by on April 28, 2014 in Kemeticism

 

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Modern Mythology: I <3 Balls Day

Gather around the camp fire once again as we delve into the myths and stories of our religion!

Set

During the ongoing battle for the Kingship of Egypt, Set and Horus found themselves in a large predicament. You see, each deity had been damaged from this battle – one losing his eye, and the other his testicles. It’s very painful to lose your testicles, you know! Through a series of wiley tricks and maneuvers, however, both were able to get their missing pieces restored to their former glory.

What Set didn’t know at the time, however, is that Thoth – “Astute in His Plans Who Fashioned All Things, Including Set’s Nuts” – gave him an even better set of balls as a way of saying thank you for taking the bad rap for the whole “felling Osiris” thing. When Set received his new shiny set of testicles, he was amazed at their awesomeness. It was like having a disco in his pants.

He was so ecstatic about his new hardware that Set ran to the highest point of Egypt and yelled out across the land “These are the best balls ever! Look at how amazing they are! I will surely be able to use them to smite apep every day!” Everyone was so happy for his new shiny testicles that a festival was proclaimed in their honor. And in our modern calendar, that day is February 14th- the day of <3-ing Your Balls.

You can see the effects of this festival almost everywhere you look! There are stands of balls in grocery stores. Ball shaped candies and candy containers. Ball shaped jewelry. Ball shaped everything! All as glorious and magnificent as Set’s newborn testicles.

When celebrating this holiday, it is customary to deck out your shrine is as many ball-shaped items as possible. Set loves the color red, so the redder, the better. However, he does has a soft side and can appreciate balls of other colors. Be sure to spend some time reflecting on your own personal badassery and taking the time to remember just how great you really are. You can also use this time to ask Set and Thoth in assistance in making your own balls better- as a means of seizing your potential and making tough choices that require balls to make!

With the proper heka, Thoth can assist you in creating a disco in your pants, too!

___________________

Every year around February we see nearly every grocery store in America fill up with tons of pink and red Valentine’s Day stuff. Usually, this is a holiday I don’t participate in at all. I’ve never cared for the concept behind it, and I’ve just never really gotten into the habit of doing anything for V-Day.

However, my foray into Kemeticism has changed my perspective on this holiday. Set’s main symbol is his balls. For most of us, we take a standard heart and turn it upside down to make it into a set of balls (which may not be too far off of what the heart used to mean). So now the second half of January and the first half of February is nothing but balls for me. It’s turned from a holiday about romance into a holiday about Set.

And his balls.

I feel like this can be shifted into a modern festival or rite that we can use within our community for seizing the day, taking hold of our courage and reminding ourselves of our greatness (in the same way that Set reminds me of his greatness all the time). If you’d like to give it a shot, there are two methods for this particular heka. One version, which involves a large chocolate heart, can be found here. The second, which involves good old fashions paper, is below:

  • Sheet of paper- 8.5″x11″. Any color will do, I recommend red or purple.
  • Writing utensils of whatever color you’d like.
  • A situation or trait you need to find some courage to tackle.
  • This tutorial about folding.

Start with your paper- figure out what situation you need some courage with. On the inside of your paper, write the situation down. You can be as specific or generalized as you need to be. Feel free to use sigils or different colors for different things. Get as creative as you want.

Then, fold up your paper into the shape of the balls using the tutorial above. If possible, place your balls in a location where you can see them regularly. If your situation is at work, perhaps leave them on your desk. If it is something to do with money, maybe leave it in your wallet. If you’re unsure, leave them on your shrine for the gods to keep an eye on.

Hopefully the heka provided in this post can help you to gain some courage and celebrate your awesomeness this Valentine’s Day! If you have any questions regarding these rites, or try these rites out for yourself- please let me know!

Other Modern Mythology Posts:

 
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Posted by on January 21, 2014 in Kemeticism, Rambles

 

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