Modern Mythology: May Day is Dick Day

28 Apr

Disclaimer: As I’m sure you can guess by the title, this post discusses dicks and may not be safe for work or suitable for minors. Please use discretion when reading and linking this post.

Last February when I released my idea about a holiday centered around balls, I was approached by another Kemetic who told me that it wouldn’t be fair to leave the other half of the genitalia out of the fun. So to counter Balls Day, we decided to come up with Dick Day, a modern holiday that occurs on May 1 or May Day.

For those who don’t know much about May Day, it is traditionally a holiday that celebrates Spring time and dancing and merry making and features a gigantic dick pole dance. You know the one:

And while Kemetics may not have a local flag pole to deck out with ribbons in honor of our dick flaunting gods and religion, we can still certainly celebrate within our own home in our own way.

Why are Kemetics so into dicks, anyways?

If it’s something that Kemetics seem to be known for, it’s our fixation with dicks, balls, and boobs, and for good reason! Dicks played a rather large role in symbolism in Egyptian antiquity. Dicks were not just symbols of fertility and growth, they were elements of power and strength. Egyptian thought believed that the very spark of creation lay in semen, which is spat out by dicks. Therefore, dicks were tied back to creation, possibly even more so than a woman’s uterus. Without the spark of creation that comes from the semen (and the dick), there would be nothing for the womb to house. The virility of a man was in his ability to wield his dick about, and he who used his dick the most was king of the mountain. For more subtle symbolism, the shrine bolt that closed up many a kar shrine was actually a representation of Set’s dick- therefore, dicks could also protect. They were also bundled up and buried as votive offerings underneath certain temples.

And for those whose power we wanted to remove- so too were the dicks (and hands!) removed.That way, the dead couldn’t utilize their hands in the way that Atum did during Zep Tepi and masturbate their way to rebirth.

So dicks are important. How do we celebrate Dick Day?

There are many ways that you can celebrate Dick Day, but here are a few suggestions to get the ideas flowing:

Harness your creative spark.

Work on projects that you wish to see born or explore your creative side. Maybe use the day for crafting. Start new projects or develop new ideas that you’ve had. You could also do creative projects for your deities as well. You can also perform heka to help promote your creative spark and endeavors. As an example, you could buy seed paper, cut it into the shape of a dick, write your desires on it, and plant it. As it grows, so too will the creativity or creative endeavor that you seek.

Or you could just get creative in the bedroom.

Celebrate your handling of the dicks in your life.

Let’s face it, we all have to deal with dicks in our lives. You know, people who are jerks to you, people who send anon hate, people who are rude to everyone they meet. Those types. For Dick Day, you can always reward yourself for dealing with the dicks in your life. Take some time to perform some self-care and kick your feet up. Eat some dicks to celebrate.


Execrate some dicks.

You ever had that one person who is being a dick who just won’t stop? Well this is the day to handle that person. Execration is a great way to get the nasties out of your life, and you can definitely use Dick Day to give your execrations an extra punch. If you wish to perform your execrations in true Dick Day fashion, cut a piece of paper into a dick shape, write the name of the person who is being a dick onto the paper dick, and then proceed to pierce the dick, rip the dick up into pieces and set it on fire before flushing the ashes.

As you can see there are many ways to celebrate the good dicks in our lives and get rid of the bad dicks in our lives. Consider doing a little bit of both for this upcoming May Day! If you happen to celebrate Dick Day or try and of this stuff out, please let me know!

See how others celebrated (nsfw)!

Other Modern Mythology Posts:


Posted by on April 28, 2014 in Kemeticism


Tags: , , , , , , ,

7 responses to “Modern Mythology: May Day is Dick Day

  1. Mikhael aka Setken (@WingedPhysique)

    April 28, 2014 at 5:59 pm

    I did not know about the Set’s dick-bolt-thing! Would love to see an example!

    • von186

      April 28, 2014 at 7:33 pm

      I will need to look up the book that mentions it because I have flat out forgotten. But apparently shrine bolts are Set dicks. I have no clue why or how they made that connection.

    • von186

      April 28, 2014 at 7:38 pm

      Found it.
      “Now the moment has come when Horus, for the sake of Osiris and the cosmic order, must seize the phallus of Seth, associated by the Egyptians with the bold of the shrine. So the priest- representing Horus in the ritual- draws back the bolt declaring “I am Horus, O my father Osiris, who seizes Seth’s phallus for you with his hands.” Pg 76 of My Heart My Mother by Roberts.

  2. Gabriel Landaeta

    April 28, 2014 at 7:18 pm

    so fucking funny and true at the same time, i wil suggest it to some wiccan friends to do in the Beltane fest

  3. ubenmaat

    May 2, 2014 at 1:56 pm

    My shrine doesn’t have a bolt, but now I want one desperately.


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