Being a Spirit Worker is Like Running a Day Care

03 Mar

Alternate title: Once you are claimed by a spirit, you will never own anything again.

If there is something to be said about a large portion of god-touched folks, astral travelers and spirit workers in the polytheism/pagan community, it’s that we have a knack for having a lot of stuff in our practices. Statuary, jewelry, doodads and bobbles, you name it- we’ve got it. I’m sure a lot of it stems from the notion that we have a bit of Magpie Syndrome: it’s shiny, so I want it. But you know who has an even bigger affinity for being a Magpie?

Deities and other Unseen entities.

I mean, I guess it makes sense. Egyptian gods, at least, used to have all sorts of things offered to them daily: bread, exotic flowers and perfumes, prisoners, the best cuts of meat and lots and lots of shiny gold and silver. But you’d think that deities would have more important stuff to be doing than claiming ever nicknack in my house as theirs. And what’s worse is that it’s not only my house where this happens, it seems to be a common problem with anyone that has a decent working communication method with their deities: a god comes in and then claims everything in a 5 mile radius of your living room is theirs.

Bill Cosby once had a comedy sketch that talked about his three year old going through a phrase where everything in the house was claimed as theirs. It’s marked with a very shrill “MINE” that reverbs through the house.

Gods are kind of like this. Non-physical entities and spirits of all kinds are kind of like this.

“Look at that thing you have. I want it. Put it on my shrine.”

“Look at that ugly thing in the store. I want it. Buy it for me.”

“Look at those rocks on the ground. I want them.”

And its seriously not just gods that do it. I used to share space with an astral woman who would literally stop me every few minutes to pick up various sticks, leaves, stones and other natural materials for use “later”. I have no clue what “later” entailed, but I eventually had to tell her no because it took too much time, and I didn’t have enough pockets on me. She also had a penchant for wanting the most expensive items in a store and raised hell when I wouldn’t get them for her.

Set has been known to demand tacky items- even if they aren’t of the best quality, because he likes things that are shiny and look like they are expensive. Or simply because he can have them. And apparently Set isn’t the only one.

As I’ve moved through the years and gained more Unseen entities in my life, I’ve noticed that more and more of my stuff is no longer mine. My menz own every bottle of perfume and every piece of jewelry I own. My Other Half (also a menz) has claimed a large portion of my wardrobe and a lot of my decorative boxes. Set has claimed a large portion of my stone collection and anything with a heart shape, gold of any sort, or anything shiny.

Many of these people have claimed specific tea cups and silverware items. Some of them have claimed books and journals. Another has claimed a pair of scissors, another my sewing machine, and every single knife I own belongs to someone else.

Slowly, one by one, these larger, older entities have done exactly like Bill’s kid, and claimed every single thing in my house. And to make it worse, they even argue over items from time to time. Much like my cousins used to argue over who got the ‘pretty princess’ cup, I can hear deities demanding to know why he got the “better” looking offering plate. Why didn’t I get that slice of cake? Why does his have more frosting? It’s like an Unseen pissing contest to see who can claim the most crap within my house. I can only imagine what will happen when I die, and people get these items with various spirits and gods attached to them. I can clearly imagine some random person placing a nicknack that used to be mine up on their mantle while some spirit screams at them that that is “not where it belongs”.

In addition to this, gods and spirits have a knack for showing up at the worst possible time to have a discussion. In the middle of a shower? That sounds like a great time to have a conference call with Ra, Bast, and Thoth. Feeling sicker than a dog and stuck on the toilet while your innards leak out your butt? That’s a good time to discuss life’s mysteries with your closest spirit-friend. Really need to sleep because you’ve got a big Thing to do the next day? This sounds like a good time for a spirit to relay their entire life story to you!

I’ll be the first to say that gods aren’t always around us, and its common to have them disappear from time to time (and if they are always there to respond, I recommend checking your discernment). But they seriously need to check their timing better. It is not polite to giving me the agenda for the next week’s tasks while I’m getting it on or taking a crap. And gods forbid you’re stuck with a spirit or entity that likes to be a shit, you’ll be stuck listening to the same song for three days straight while they whisper it in your ear.

Gods and deities may be big bad entities that can screw up your day, but have it be known that the more deities that hang around you, the more likely they are to claim all of your stuff and intrude on your personal time. Because while they put on an air of being older and mature, deep down, they are all really little kids at heart.

Little kids that scream MINE.


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25 responses to “Being a Spirit Worker is Like Running a Day Care

  1. briarrose44

    March 3, 2014 at 5:01 pm

    Reblogged this on The Jackal's Dance and commented:
    This post is awesome, and so very true.

  2. Red

    March 3, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    I don’t so much have the claiming things problem, but the timing, dear god, the piss poor timing.

  3. Aubs Tea

    March 3, 2014 at 5:11 pm

    This. This. This. This. This. This time a trillion.

    If I have to have a 30 minute conversation in my head about what’s more important – the good brand coconut flavor rum versus the red wine – I’m going to scream.

  4. cleargreenwater

    March 3, 2014 at 5:39 pm

    What IS IT with the bathroom? Thankfully the netjeru don’t seem keen to cross that threshold in my home, (maybe because I use reuseable menstrual products–instant deity repellant? :p) but the not-quite imaginary guide critter I work(ed?) with loves to barge in in the damn bathroom. I don’t know if it’s me switching “modes” and opening the gates, or if its that she’s an humaniod animal-form entity and just thinks that what goes on in the bathroom is way more important than it really is 😐

  5. dispatchesfromasgard

    March 3, 2014 at 5:58 pm

    *nods in sympathy*

  6. mangageek94

    March 3, 2014 at 6:47 pm

    Reblogged this on Of Gods and Angels and commented:
    really true…

  7. shezep

    March 3, 2014 at 6:51 pm

    My theory about the bathroom is that it’s quiet in there. The door is closed and you’re less likely to be bothered by other people. That makes it perfect timing! Or, that maybe you’re right and they really are like children. Children love to talk to their parents in the bathroom too.

    • von186

      March 3, 2014 at 7:05 pm

      My SO theorized that it’s the water.
      I know for showers and baths, it’s because I’m relaxed and more receptive.
      But as for sitting on the toilet, I have no clue >.>;;;

  8. shannonkotono

    March 3, 2014 at 8:18 pm

    Reblogged this on The Honey-Willow Home and commented:
    Brand experiences this terribly. His sister, particularly. He opened his birthday present last summer and as soon as he laid eyes on it, she declared, out of nowhere, MINE. The same has happened with various other things, and there are things bookmarked on etsy that gods help him if he doesn’t acquire for her.

  9. Azrael

    March 3, 2014 at 11:44 pm

    This is why I don’t deal with deities unless I really have too… As for the spirits wanting things, I can’t really say either way with me because as someone put it I’m a ‘walking hotel’.

    I’m a multiple and I tend to offer refuge to those that need it in exchange for their help so I have spirits and such coming and going at all times.

    I hardly ever know which one to listen too because it seems to change on a daily basis but one of the permanent ones is rather sassy and I like them.

    The last time I had what I believed to be a deity tell me they -had- to have something I asked why and they got upset so I told them to go and sulk in the corner and shut them out.

    That may have been Anubis too, I really don’t know for sure but I had the feeling for the longest time he wanted something from me.

    That would probably explain a few of the shadow people attacks now that I think about it. >_>

  10. thestormingwulf

    March 4, 2014 at 12:07 am

    I haven’t had the sheer amount of knick knack grabbing and claiming by the Gods in my life nearly as much as other people have had experienced but that might just because it’s still early in the game and my gods, specifically Bride and Dunner just hasn’t started pointing at items and insisting that it belongs to them.

    On the other hand the Gods do have the worst time in all of creation. If I had a penny every time Sweetest Bride decided that shower time is the perfect time to have a conversation.

    • von186

      March 4, 2014 at 7:17 am

      Yeah, my menz claim more than my gods do. But they all suck at timing.

  11. tanishal

    March 4, 2014 at 12:53 am

    You know, considering how many of their items are stolen, broken, or in museums, I can kind of understand their desires to replace their lost shinies…

  12. Senneferet

    March 4, 2014 at 3:58 am

    It’s a relief that I’m not the only one with bathroom issues. I don’t get a very good signal but a couple of messages have come through when i’m on the loo. I also get a strong sense of not being alone in there. This can wreak havoc for people like me, who have shy bladders. I have a rule. If the door is locked leave me alone. I don’t think they’re listening.

    • von186

      March 4, 2014 at 7:18 am

      I actually have to forcibly turn my radio off sometimes while on the toilet in order to actually *use* the toilet D:

  13. Eilidh Nic Sidheag

    March 4, 2014 at 6:11 am

    “And gods forbid you’re stuck with a spirit or entity that likes to be a shit, you’ll be stuck listening to the same song for three days straight while they whisper it in your ear.”

    Too true. I’ve got a bad case of that this week (and of course reading this has made it louder again, but that’s not your fault…) The worst thing is it has lyrics in a language I don’t know and can’t decipher well enough to Google for, so I can’t even figure out what the heck They’re trying to tell me.

    • von186

      March 4, 2014 at 7:18 am

      If they’re even trying to say anything in particular at all XD

      • Eilidh Nic Sidheag

        March 4, 2014 at 8:06 am

        True, but if they’re not I wish they would just cut it out already!

  14. Das Heirdha

    March 16, 2014 at 10:48 am

    This is so accurate it hurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrts

  15. Cheri Remily

    March 18, 2014 at 6:57 pm

    I so enjoy going to the store with a djinn, I nearly spent $500 one time when all I wanted was cleaning supplies. It’s either ‘I need’ or “you need’, evil little bastards, but great for house cleaning, also enforcement of cleaning the car on the way out to the store. The Martha Stewarts of Demons.


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