This round of the Kemetic Round Table deals with inadequacy, and how we should handle those feelings if and when they arrive. Once upon a time, I used to feel inadequate in regards to my religious practice. Many of the people I talked to described feeling the same thing as me. We all felt like we should be doing more with our practices. We all felt like we were being called to do bigger and better things- although we had no clue what those ‘things’ were supposed to be.
And at the time, we dubbed this feeling “The Itch”.
Most of use with “The Itch” spent lots of time rolling around on the ground holding our heads trying to figure out what to do with ourselves. We had all hoped that possibly a temple opening up, or working on daily rites, or becoming more ‘priestly’ in our practices would somehow cure it. But none of that worked for me.
What worked for me was finding my niche. My place. My role within this large thing called Kemeticism.
If you recall my last KRT post, you’ll see that a large portion of my practice involves community. And as soon as I really began to work with the community and found that my role within all of this is more centered around my blogging and writing- a lot of my worries and concerns fell to the wayside. And above all, I found that my ‘itchiness’ disappeared. Compounded with this has been my astral work that has taken off. I’ve found that through doing a lot of my shadow work, I’ve managed to clear up a lot of issues and I no longer feel like I’m some horribly bad devotee to the gods. I feel like I’m actually doing what I’m supposed to be doing (which is seemingly spending up all my spoons paddling my canoe around).
So now you may be asking – So what do I do if I feel inadequate?
The first answer to this is simple- don’t worry so much. I know it is easier said than done, but truth be told- most of us have our ups and downs while working on this whole religion thing. The gods have survived this long without us- it’ll be okay if you’re not Johnny on the spot with your offerings when your life gets too hectic and you’ve run out of spoons. As always, remember that slow and steady wins the race. So long as you are putting forth the effort to try and get things done- that is always a good place to start.
If you’ve got a steady practice going, but find that you’re still having issues with feeling inadequate, I would recommend you try to branch out into other areas and ways to bring you closer to your religion. This doesn’t have to be in large, grandiose ways. In fact, I find that simple, smaller things can make all the difference in the world. Offer your meals to the gods in lieu of offerings given during rites. Turn showers into cleansing rites. Admire the sun’s rays or Shu’s soft breezes, etc. Find ways to bring yourself closer to the gods, and the gods closer to you.
In this same vein, I would recommend learning to figure out how ma’at plays into your life and discovering whatever it is that brings you balance. I think the largest aspect for my inadequacy leaving me is that I learned how to be balanced – or at least, what balance means for me (still working on achieving consistent balance). Balance can fill in a lot of holes we didn’t even realize we had.
Unfortunately, the down side to this is that no one can tell you exactly how to do any of these things. These things are different for each of us and can take quite some time to figure out, but figuring them out can make all of the difference in the world.