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Thoughts on the Other Side

25 Oct

There is discussion on the TC forums about O right now. One of the more prominent followers of O on that site is going to be writing a detailed thread based off of her thoughts on him and his story. Thinking about this possibility has made me think of two things.

1. I should get my thoughts in order about O before this happens so that I might be better equipped to compare notes and learn from it.
2. I have never really written down my thoughts and/or experiences with him.

So here I am. It has only been a few months since I brought O more prominently into my life. And I must admit that his arrival (re-emergence is more accurate) has coincided with my life getting extremely busy. Because of this, I haven’t had the proper time to dedicate to him. I have done no formal rituals in his name. I have hardly sat down with him in shrine. However, I feel like somehow in the back of my mind- he’s there. And I’m understanding him a bit more. One of those subconscious things (which is why I don’t freak out about the lack of formal workings… for now).

One of the best ways I can describe O (which this is just something me and my s.o. have gotten into the habit of calling him- O, short of Osiris. Though I know his more accurate names, for some reason O sticks) is that he feels like an old friend. Like the comfy shirt you put on to relax in. He’s just comfortable. I don’t feel weird around him. I feel like I can bring anything to his attention and not have any negative reactions. I think that perhaps this stems from wisdom. Kinda like old people- you get to that age and nothing phases you anymore. And nothing really seems to phase him. Now, that’s not to say that he is old, but he’s mellow and seems to react to situations with a level and calm head. He’s the complete opposite of his brother in many ways. Perhaps this is why O is in control of my softer more yin side. The part I struggle with (acceptance of good stuff). Because he is so calm, and because I don’t fear bringing things to him- it creates a nice safe environment with which to work in.

However, within this safety is an area that I am distinctly uncomfortable with.

Last night, as I contemplated this post and wtf I would write, I thought about the differences btwn what I know about Set’s side of the epic story and what I know/feel about O’s side of it all. I feel like I’ve seen Set’s side. I went down that dark rabbit hole and tried my best to understand the varying depths of reason and emotion that lay in the act that he did. After it was all said and done, I think I got it. It was loud, it was crazy, it was dark (and red) and it was just.. chaotic for lack of a better word. It made it almost impossible to think in that space. However, when I began to think about O’s side… I became so incredibly upset with the idea that I had to force myself to *not* think about it (because I always seem to think about this kind of thing right before bed x.x;). The whole experience left me with the feeling/color of murky water. Browns and teals.. water that was thick with some kind of oil… heavy with something. And the thought of having my life cut short while in my prime (much like we do with any kind of food- that never ending cycle that it is) just really bothered me. I understand the concept of sacrifice, sure. And if put in a situation where I needed to give myself up for someone or something bigger than me, I think I could do it. But still, the ache that formed from the line of thinking… hurts. Much like everything else that I need to connect with- it hurts.

And I’m not really sure what to do with that, but there it is.

The other thing I have noted with O is that he is subtle. Many use distant (which I don’t know that I completely get with him), but I think subtle is a better word. He doesn’t have to go all out to make something happen. In fact, it doesn’t even seem to matter if you understand that he made that something happen or not. So long as you get the message in the end. Or maybe that’s just me. Or.. something. And although I have mentioned above that he is comfortable, within him exists the regal King as well. And I have seen glimpses of it. The multiple facets that do exist. It’s just, for me, it seems the calm more friendly version of him is what is prominent right now. Probably because regal Kingness wouldn’t help me much in this case.

So yes, in short O is calm and comfortable. Level headed and approachable (while still being King). But despite this, his river runs deep and there is shit I have yet to even approach at this point. Much less do I want to.

Damn. I never feared anything Set had to show me.

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6 Comments

Posted by on October 25, 2011 in Kemeticism

 

Tags: , , , , , ,

6 responses to “Thoughts on the Other Side

  1. SatSekhem

    October 26, 2011 at 8:13 am

    I have similar fears with Hwt-Hrw. I don’t feel that I can handle what it is that she wants from me. I have never been worried about Sekhmet, but Hwt-Hrw? Scared beyond belief.

    I think it’s normal, though; so don’t worry so much.

    I look forward to the various UPGs you O followers have to discuss.

     
    • von186

      October 26, 2011 at 8:17 am

      I would agree it’s normal. It’s just not common for me. I know I will push ahead- because that’s what needs to be done. But I think it will take some time before I become completely okay with everything. Which I also think is normal. 🙂

       
  2. Nehet

    November 4, 2011 at 1:34 pm

    I understand about the shock and grief associated with Ausir’s sacrifice. The thing about serving Ausir is that mourning is part of the work.

    I wish I could say it was easy, but it’s not.

    After the last email I sent you, I went to bed. As I was falling asleep, I got these words pop into my head: “There is no end to the mourning, no bottom to the depths.”

    Ausir is Lord of the Depths.

    While this doesn’t get easy, I did eventually make peace with it. I learned to take comfort in the fact that mourning is part of the natural cycles. If you grieve for him, and for your Akhu, then the tears become like the renewing flood waters of the Nile.

    And then, with the grief, comes serenity and joy.

    It takes a lot of courage to take this step, working with Him. Take baby steps. Make a few offerings. Try whole-grain bread, pomegranates, milk and cedar incense.

    Remember, you can ask me questions at any time.

    Blessings,

    NHT

     
    • von186

      November 4, 2011 at 9:37 pm

      I can understand depths. I really can. Mentally, in the past, I have dove into very deep waters to connect with him. Something about the stillness of the water helps me to connect with him. Course, I associate him closely with water, which helps.

      I think I have caught glimpses of the mourning aspect in the past, but I feel like the rules have changed, and that I’m being required to look at things more head on. That I need to truly grasp, experience, understand… etc. the situation now, which I didn’t before. I’m not positive about how this will feed into my other work with him, but I’m sure it’ll make more sense in time. It’s hard for me to face this, but I know it’s something I need to do. I have a procession I’m walking in this weekend that deals with mourning, ancestor stuff, and things that I relate closely to O. It will be interesting to see what I experience with that event.

       

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