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Connected in Loneliness

I have been lonely for as long as I can remember, and I’ve handled it in various ways throughout my life. When I was younger, I disassociated all of those feelings away. As I got older, I found the “better” method of handling my loneliness was to funnel it into work. Because if you’re busy, you don’t have time to listen to the feelings gnawing in your stomach. Over the years, I’ve found that I could combine my incessant need to drown things out via work while also trying to fix my constant loneliness. Which is probably why TTR as you know it even exists.

In recent months, I’ve found that the topic of loneliness has been on my mind again. Due to the current circumstances of my life, I find that the feelings of abandonment and neglect that I would have experienced in my youth frequently bubble up to the surface. Because I’ve gotten better at being able to look at my feelings and remain somewhat detached from them, I’ve found that I’m able to actually inspect them before being overwhelmed by them. This has resulted in a fair amount of navel-gazing about loneliness and how it relates to a person’s personal religious practice. And by extension, how it relates to the gods, and whether they get lonely or not.

I suspect that being a member of a more “fringe” religion leads to loneliness playing a larger role in our community’s experience as a whole. Unlike being in the dominant religious group of wherever any of us is living, where you can find physical places to worship with other human beings, most of us are stuck creating our own religious experience in our own homes. I think its all very foreign, this trying to allocate resources to concoct, conceptualize, and implement whatever brings religious meaning to us while still engaging all of the other aspects of our busy lives. It’s a lot of extra work, and I think many of us don’t take the time to consider what impact that can lend to one’s religious experience. It’s a lot easier to build off of something that already exists than to have to figure out how to create it yourself from scratch. It’s a lot more motivating to participate in your religion if it is socially fulfilling or enriching.

In many respects, our choice in religion others us to a degree. And in that sense, our religion creates an ideal space to be lonely.

On a whim. I asked about loneliness and religion over on tumblr. I wanted to see how others relate to loneliness, and how that influences their religious practices. I left the question vague, as I wanted to see how people interpret loneliness without a wider context. I would say that most of the responses fell into a few categories:

  1. Loneliness is an act of being alone. This can allow for greater freedom to connect with the Divine, because there is no one around to interrupt you.
  2. Loneliness as a necessary tool or experiences. That some of our experiences are going to be inherently lonely, because we experience things differently as individuals. In most of these responses, the othering that comes with loneliness is temporary or situational, and not all-encompassing.
  3. Loneliness that separates a person from other people, as in being the only participant of your religion that you know of, or being the only non-white participant in your religious circle. This loneliness is pervasive and persistent.
  4. Loneliness that separates a person from the gods, as in not being able to connect with a deity as much as one would like, due to the fact that they aren’t living in physical forms we can interact with.

In these responses, I would argue that there are two over-arching relationships to loneliness. On one hand, it seems that people equate loneliness to being alone, nothing more and nothing less. On the other hand, it seems that people equate loneliness to being disconnected from others who are similar to themself, which is the definition I tend to err towards. From a mental health perspective, loneliness is not about being alone, it’s about being disconnected from other humans–regardless of how many humans are in physical proximity to you.

The ability to feel connected with people comes from a sense of someone being open and available to you, and by extension, you being open and available to them. It’s an open-door policy that works in both directions, respects both people’s needs and boundaries and leaves both people trusting the other with vulnerable aspects of themself. You can’t be connected with others unless you’re comfortable being vulnerable with them.

When you read that paragraph, how many people come to mind? How many people are you really connected with? How about your gods? Does the definition of connection apply to your relationship with them? Do you think that the gods feel connected with you?

Connection is ultimately the “cure” for loneliness, especially if its chronic in nature. And yet, according to most research, most of us do not feel connected with anyone. I might go so far to venture that many of us don’t even feel connected to ourselves. In recent months I have come to understand isfet as being “stuff that tears at the social fabric of human society,” and by that definition, loneliness might as well be a type of isfet because not only does loneliness make us miserable, it literally cuts your life short.

And if that’s the case, wouldn’t that make connection a form of ma’at? The balm that eradicates isfet from your life and restores the social fabric that us humans require to survive?

If 2019 is the year of making ma’at, then it stands to reason that this should be the year we start to tackle the loneliness that permeates our community. I don’t have any concrete solutions, but this is a call to action for anyone reading to start pondering about how we can work on helping members of our community to become more connected. Not only with each other or the gods, but also with ourselves. Figuring out who we are, making ourselves a priority allows us to give more space to other people when they are in a time of need. Treating ourselves as an important member of our own life helps us to form deeper, healthier relationships with others. Learning about yourself also teaches you how you want other people to treat you, and by extension, helps you create better boundaries, so that you can learn to trust people better. Which ultimately leads to… more ability to connect with others.

When you think about the loneliness that is in your own life or religious practice, what comes to mind? What helps you to feel connected to others? What steps are you performing to create more connection between yourself and others? What are you doing to help yourself become more connected with yourself?

Some resources to get the conversation started:

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Year of Rites: March

I thought February was pretty bad. I thought that maybe with my coursework ending in the middle of March, that somehow things would get better.

March was awful. March was worse.

I had been given permission to go off of a medication in late February, and it caught up to me in March. I was incredibly depressed all month. Anxiety attacks became a multiple-times-per-day thing. I spent most of my month overwhelmed and feeling like there was no way I was going to ever get anywhere or survive this at all.

I barely remember March, if I’m being honest. But I did manage to do all of my rituals, so at least there is that?

Monthly Ma’at

I remember the day, because I wrote notes about it in my bullet journal. But I don’t really recall the ritual. I know that I did the same rubric from January, and I don’t think I included the “Becoming Ma’at” section this month. Luckily I had food on hand, so the offerings were pretty solid.

But the day was garbage.

Akhu Rites

The akhu rites followed the day after my Monthly Ma’at rites, which made the akhu rites suffer. I was hungry and really wanted to hurry up and eat, and so I forgot to take pictures again, and so I don’t have anything to even show for the ritual. I don’t have any commentary, either, other than I did the same rubric from the previous two months.

Propitiation

The icon that I’ve been using for my propitiation rites has been slowly shifting each month. I got the inclination to add gold elements to the leaves and the forehead. I also added green elements to the ma’at feather and to the general background. We’ll see if I get another memo to update the icon for next month.

For this month’s propitiation, I decided to try something called “vooing.” I learned about it while at my PDC and decided to look into it on my own time because, honestly, I needed any edge I could get this month.

The “Voo Breath” is a modality that is often used in somatic therapies, and is basically a sort of gentle “massage” for your viscera, or so I’ve seen it described. It’s a lot like chanting, and it seems to help calm the Vagus nerve, which is largely responsible for our anxiety responses in life. It can look a bit like this.

Ironically, I had the inclination to do something similar to this from day one, but I could never bring myself to do it (probably due to anxiety, unsurprisingly.) However, I guess finding out that it’s a “legit thing” caused me to reconsider whether it was worth trying. And I guess I got desperate enough or felt safe enough to do it, and so I decided to give it a go for my propitiation this month. I figured if it helps calm me down and help me center myself, perhaps it would work for the Iyrt Ra… right? I personally enjoyed the experience, but I can’t comment on whether the NTRW are for it or not.

I also made a heka art piece that I offered as well, which you can see in the image above. Also, yes, more tacos.

Execration

By the time my execration rolled around, I actually started to feel marginally better. I had a shift somewhere in between both of these rituals about my situation, and somehow I was somewhat more back in the game, but only by the tiniest bit. The bit was so tiny that I basically put off doing my execration until the very end of the day. Why? I don’t know. It just seemed like I had no idea what to do or what I was doing, and so I put it off.

But I did eventually get it done. There was nothing particularly creative about this execration, and the only modification that I made to the rite was to include a bit from My Heart My Mother, which sat happened to quote in their recent post:

O Bull of the Two Lands… I am divine, I am an Akh, I am powerful and I am seated on the throne of Atum… make a place for me amongst you so that I may sail with Re in the Duat.

I also had the urge to make a second ma’at feather in silver to complement the gold feather I had already made. That also debuted with the execration.

He Goes Forth

This was another example of my wanting to do a ritual, but life got in the way. The Sunday that this rite fell on was way too hectic, and so I then planned to do it the day after, April 1, instead. But then I ended up having to take grandpa to the hospital that morning, and most of my day was eaten up dealing with all of that.

I had wanted to shift my focus of this ritual to be more about thanking Wpwt for the things that people have told me have manifested with their petitions they sent in. Originally, I wanted to give him a big meal and everything.

But life often has other plans.

And so I ended up just throwing together what I could find (lol candy) and hoping that it wouldn’t count against me too much. I realized when I was at the “cleanse the altar” part of my ritual, that I forgot to dust first, and so I ended up making a nice wet pile of dirt on the altar space — not my most ideal setup. You’ll note in the image above that the shrine space is different, and that’s because I felt more inclined to do the ritual where his statue “lives”, which is in front of Aset and my ma’at feathers.

I spent a fair amount of time doing some of the voo breath for him to make up for the lack of offerings. And I can’t really figure out why, but it feels like I’m giving of myself when I do it, and so I may start to add this to all of my rites moving forward. I’m hoping that I can actually give him a proper set off offerings next month to make up for this month’s lackluster-ness.

Final Thoughts

This month was a mess. I was a mess. I am a mess. But despite all of that, I was able to still get my rites done. Albeit, not in the more graceful manner that I would have preferred. But again, its important that we do what we can, even if it’s not perfect. And if nothing else, I have yet to miss a rite, although my track record for meeting my own expectations is still pretty bad. I am hoping to write new rubrics in April, in time to be used for May. So I guess we’ll see what next month brings.

 
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Posted by on April 2, 2019 in Kemeticism, Making Ma'at, Year of Rites

 

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How to Make a Heart: The Void

The void is, by far, the longest, most awful part of this entire “journey” that I have been on these past few years (though March 2019 gives this a run for its money.) I call it the void because it was, for all intents and purposes, the closest to being cut off from everything that I could have ever imagined. It was the absence of all that was familiar, and it was devoid of what felt like any true growth, change, or improvement.

It is, for all intents and purposes, what it’s like to be inert.

I’ve mentioned being inert several times now since trying to scrape my life back together, and I sort of feel silly every time I bring it up, because I feel like I’m constantly bringing it up without ever really being able to grapple with what this inertia actually means for my journey. It’s a thing that I notice, but I never know what to do about it, or with it. And I think that that is partially because I feel that, even now, I am just as inert here in 2019 as I was back at the end of 2016. Even though I know that this isn’t true (read a post from 2015 or 2014 and tell me that the cadence even sounds the same,) it still feels true. It feels as though I’m in exactly the same place I was then, and it feels awful.

Nobody likes to be inert. As humans, its antithetical to what we need to thrive. We’re not meant to stop, to be stagnant, to remain static. It’s not good for our mental health, and yet many of us are stuck throughout our entire lives being effectively stuck in our past. Ideally, you want to be cognizant to your ever-changing surroundings, and remaining open to new possibilities until the day you die.

However, I have come to believe that sometimes you need to be inert. The same way that we need to rest a broken limb, or sleep in after being sick, sometimes we need to slow down and stop what we’re doing. Because if we don’t, we’ll eventually be forced to stop. Or as I liked to call it, being curb checked. My time spent in “the void” was life’s curb check for me. Every post so far in this series contains a number of subtle warnings about what was going to eventually happen. I wanted to try to prevent it from happening, but the bottom fell out anyways. What started as a steady decline ultimately turned into a complete nose dive towards the ground.

And that’s when the screaming began.

One morning I woke up, and I could hear a part of myself screaming and wailing from somewhere. Nonstop. I’d get up and get dressed and go to work and be trying to pay attention all while this consistent, constant AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH went through the background.

I had issues with crying almost all of the time anymore. The tears would just flow and wouldn’t stop. It was as if it was beyond my control. I forgot what time of year it was, why I walked into rooms, where I left things. I dealt with heavy depersonalization combined with dysphoria and derealization. I looked in the mirror and felt this vague sense of “who is this person I’m staring back at” with side elements of “I am a man in a dress” (which is new for me, I’ve never felt this before.) All of my clothes quit fitting because my body ballooned from whatever was going on with it. It became hard to get up. Hard to move around. Hard to walk.

It was as if everything had finally decided to shut down. All the while AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH just kept playing in the background. Is this a bad time to mention that screaming can border on being triggering for me?

One of the strangest things that happened during this time was that I would frequently get visions of being drowned. I could never tell who it was that was doing it, as the distortion from the water I was submerged in masked too much. But I knew that they were familiar, and that it wasn’t right, but I could never seem to stop it.

I lost contact with everything. Religion, astral, myself. At the end of it all, the only thing I could find any solace from while in this darkness was my art. More specifically, my traditional art. Even though I was a designer by trade, I hadn’t touched traditional artwork since college. This is largely because it costs money and supplies to be able to do traditional art, and that was a luxury I didn’t want to afford until I had nothing else to do with my time. Can’t walk? No worries, you can take a drawing pad with you wherever you want. Paint all of the pretty colors you want to ignore the fact that everything in your life feels a shade of grey or black.

Slowly, things began to leak out. Experiences from the astral suddenly spilled out on the page in front of me. My therapist would later tell me that art therapy would be ideal for me (it is,) but it turns out that I had been trying to come to grips with everything that had happened long before I even realized it was a “thing.”

The largest thing I took away from my time in the void was my art. Because I was forced to stop doing everything, I finally made enough space for art to exist within my life again. And even though I can do much more now, I still make time for art because I feel its an ideal processing method for me. I also think it makes for great heka — which is something I’ve been toying with as I (hopefully) move in the final phases of this heart building that I’ve been trudging through.

The second thing I learned from my time in the void is that there is a real raw grittiness that comes with reaching the bottom of your depth as it currently exists. When you’re being drug along the bottom of your life and you can barely tell where you’re at or why you’re even bothering to continue to draw breath, your priorities shift massively. You learn to accept the help that you’re given because its impossible to do everything by yourself anymore. You learn to accept that things will not be to any sort of preferable ideal because you’re so short on energy that you truly have to accept that “what you can do” is better than not at all. Something I tell people all the time, but never really wanted to tell myself.

The third thing that I learned is that the void is sometimes unavoidable. To some extent, if you don’t stop, you will be forced to stop. Even if you feel you can’t stop, or shouldn’t stop, we all have our limits. We need to pay attention to those limits before we hit them.

The screaming did not stop until after I got into therapy, almost a full year after it had started. When I was finally desperate enough to try an SSRI, I found that the ocean that I had been drowning in for a full year suddenly dried up, and that I could no longer access the water anymore. In a lot of ways, the SSRI cut me off from my emotions too much (a sign that it’s not the right medication for me, but alas, I’ve not been stable enough in the past year to wean myself off of it…), but at the same time, I was desperate for any reprieve I could find, and so I relished it.

The void is an awful place to be. It’s a place I’ve spent various phases of my life in, and this particular session pushed me to my limits in every capacity. If there is anything I could tell anyone about their own time in the void, it’s this: don’t give up. As uncle Iroh said:

“Sometimes life is like this dark tunnel. You can’t always see the light at the end of the tunnel, but if you just keep moving… you will come to a better place.”

I can’t say that where I’ve ended up is currently better, but the place I arrived at the beginning of 2017, after ages in my own void, felt amazing. It was a beautiful place where I was even capable of feeling happiness — something I have woefully little experience with. Sometimes life is absolute shit, but if you can remain curious about what the future holds, you will always find reasons to keep going.

I am glad I kept going. Even as I sit in a new void, hoping that I will eventually find a way out again, I am glad that I kept trying.

 

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Year of Rites: February

If going through January was like having 3 spoons to work with, February was like having the equivalent of

Which is to say, I am surprised I managed to even get through everything and not drop too many balls. I started my permaculture course this month, and so my weekends are now being filled mostly by classes in a city two hours away, and I didn’t expect it to eat up so many spoons.

But it did.

I was able to get all of the rites done, but I didn’t write any new rubrics for any of them. I simply modified the preexisting rubrics in a few places to make it fit with what I was doing and went ahead with that. Hopefully I can get back to making new rubrics once the PDC is done in March.

Monthly Ma’at

Due to the PDC, my Mondays have become the “let’s do all of the errands and chores you would have done on the weekend in one day!” day. So this month’s Monthly Ma’at ended up happening much later in the day than I prefer — because I had been out getting things done all day. I wrote my own version of the “Becoming Ma’at” text that I had mentioned in last month’s recap. It was a task I shoved in during break time at class that weekend, because that’s how much I was running behind on everything.

 

Akhu Rites

This month’s akhu rites were conveniently on the date of the one year anniversary of my grandmother’s death. I originally had wanted to do rites for her at her designated area (I guess it’s a shrine? I’m not sure,) but I had too many things go on that day, and it just didn’t happen. I opted to clean the space instead, and then I did the same rites that I did back in January at my Kemetic shrine and called it a day.

I spent the majority of the day in reflection about what has happened in the past year since she’s gone, but otherwise, nothing of note. Also look at the fail-tastic offerings job I did there.

 

Propitiation

I managed to finish the artwork for my propitiation setup. I made sure to clear away time a few days in advance to try and get it done. I had nearly scrapped this painting as well, but I decided to go with it and just see if it would grow on me with time.

This was one of the few days where I didn’t have a load of appointments to go to, and so I was able to actually sit down and do a proper ritual with planned-out offerings and all of that. But ultimately, I didn’t do as much as I wanted (still) because I was just too damned depressed to even bother with dancing or trying to dance or anything like that. Seriously, my depression shot the entire month in the kneecaps.

 

Execration

The execration was probably the most successful and fulfilling rite that I did this month. I decided that I would mimic my rites for New Years, and that I would do the burning portion outside where I didn’t have to worry about setting my house on fire or smoke permeating my belongings. I also decided I would try doing art as a sort of petition, instead of a traditional written petition.

This method uses a similar idea that we often used in art therapy, which is where you focus on a particular topic or idea that you’re trying to work through, and you let your body paint whatever it sees fit, and you do very little to stop the process. You simply observe the process and any sort of emotions or thoughts that come up while you’re doing it.

So I let my body make this thing and then I… set it on fire.

One thing that consistently came up while I was working on this particular ritual is “but what are you keeping?” You can see in the image above that there is a tiny bit of that very text on the upper right portion of the execration pot. I’m still not entirely sure what I’m going to do about it, but it was a theme across the entire execration process.

I then went back inside and gave the regular rites and offerings that you’d normally give.

Wpwt: He Goes Forth

I also decided somewhere in the middle of the month that I would try doing another ritual to Wpwt at the end of the month. Partially to thank him for the progress I had seen made on several fronts, and partially to give him updates and ask him to help further some of these petitions in a particular way.

I had been out at appointments most of the morning and was starving when I got home. I decided I should just use my lunch as the offering instead of eating lunch first and trying to make room in my tummy for eating whatever I offered. But turns out I was so hungry that I ate most of it before I remembered that I hadn’t taken a photo. So no photo for you.

For this ritual, I decided to modify where I held it. I opted to have it down at my low table, something I’m more used to in my work Over There. I wanted to see if merging some aspects of what I consider to be my traditional practices vs. what Kemeticism dictates would potentially make something that feels more natural to me. But I can’t say that it was necessarily any better than standing up for my rites.

Final Thoughts

Currently, I would argue that the biggest thing stopping me from really submersing myself into these rites is that I don’t have a lector. I find it difficult to translate rituals into actions and specific cadence if I’m having to hold a book and constantly keep an eye on where I’m at in the text. The stuff I’ve participated in Over There feels so much more natural to me because I can focus on (usually) the ritual actions and not having to worry so much about the reading (which takes up a lot of my brain space.)

I don’t think I’m going to be able to remedy that anytime soon. The only option I can think of is to record myself going through the verbal parts of the ritual, and then playback the rubric while I focus on the ritual actions, but it’s weird listening to yourself, and so I’m not sure that would work either.

I can also say that this month felt so much more sparse without the additional ritual festivals thrown in the mix. That tells me that even when I’m super stressed, I seemingly want to do this more than just once a week or so. I’m still not sure why some part of me likes doing the rites, since I don’t particularly feel any particular way after doing them.

All in all, I expect that I will be using the same rubrics for most of March’s rites, since I’m still not done with my coursework. My hope is that I can start crafting new rubrics for April’s rites.

 
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Posted by on March 2, 2019 in Kemeticism, Making Ma'at, Year of Rites

 

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Year of Rites: January

So when I first started this challenge I was thinking that I’d do a post after every rite but I realized pretty quickly that I can only say so much before its redundant so I decided that I’m going to start doing monthly recaps unless a rite is particularly involved or has a lot of commentary attached to it.

Rite for Geb

Satsekhem mentioned that she had a holiday for Geb pop up on her calendar, and made a rite for people to follow if they wanted to participate. It was last minute, but I knew I wanted to try and fit it in because I’m a try-hard, and so I worked to try and get everything done in preparation for it. I had been working for the better part of a day trying to get everything written down and all of the offerings in order, and I was about ready to get started when I had a funny image of Geb enter my mind, and I knew I needed to draw him an icon before I started.

(The expression was all him)

This brings me to the fact that it feels weird to do rituals to specific NTR with the generalized “NTRW” icon that I’ve got going. In some cases, when I am struck with the “inspiration”, I may start to make flat icons to use for rituals moving forward. Thereby adding another offering to the offering pile. Plus it means I’ll have an icon for the next time I want to honor them through ritual.

The rite went off without a hitch and there was nothing else of note that happened.

Propitiation of Sekhmet

I had learned from my previous weeks and decided to actually get a fair amount of offerings for this ritual. Because the propitiation of Sekhmet seems to heavily rely on offerings, I felt it made sense to put more effort into the offerings for this situation. This was the rite that felt the weirdest for the lack of proper icon. I had attempted to make one, but I didn’t like how it came out when I painted it, so I need to remake it.

I had originally wanted to dance for her and play music and stuff, but life got in the way and I could only read the rubric and call it a day. Hopefully next month I will be able to add in all of the other elements for a more rounded rite.

Festival of Ptah

Then Sat talked about this week-long festival for Ptah and, of course, I had to jump on board with it. Performing this ritual day after day really cemented for me that I could be more consistent with rituals at this stage in my life, and that I don’t mind doing them regularly. All in all, I’ve been feeling the urge to do rituals every day, and after doing this daily for a week (with the exception of the rite on Sunday, the 27th, because life got too busy and I had nothing to offer by the time I got home,) it feels really weird not to do something at the shrine every day.

I also attempted to make an icon for Ptah, but I hate it. I tried to make a different image, but I disliked that one more, so I returned to the original icon and fussed with it to see if it would ever come around to a state that I prefer, and it has yet to.

For whatever reason, I found myself having the urge to offer Ptah fresh greens from outside, so I did spend a fair amount of days offering him London Rock and Mallow, since both are in full force outside right now. I messed up my potassium in the process, but yolo or something, right?

Execration

I put off writing the execration rubric way too long. By this point in the month, depression and exhaustion were high, and this was the first point when I really went “I don’t want to do this today.”

But then I did it anyways.

Petitions were written the morning of the ritual and I folded them into snakes because I had no idea what else to do.

I wasn’t even sure how I was going to destroy these things up until I just up and did it. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to take them outside to set them on fire (ideal, because I didn’t want smoke in my room) or if I should put them in my brass urn and burn them elsewhere. I didn’t know if I should put the petitions on the shrine’s offering “table”, if I should open the shrine before starting or leave it closed, or whether I should do the initial execration away from the “holy space” that is the shrine.

I started without really having any of these specifics figured out, and it showed. I opted to just do my basic ritual at the shrine, because I didn’t know where else to do it, and I decided halfway through my rite that I would use my brass urn instead of flushing it or just leaving it in the compost bin, etc. So I had to pause in the middle of my rite and un-bury the urn and clean it out just to use it.  And then I just…. opted to just burn it in my room because I’m antisocial and didn’t want to deal with an audience if I decided to burn things in a more public space.

And so my room smelled of smoke for days.

And as you can see, my offering game is still rubbish. As my depression has set in, its become increasingly difficult to force myself to eat, and so its become very hard to figure out what to offer to the gods. Currently, offerings are still the biggest sticking point, and I’m determined to not resort to votive offerings, but its incredibly hard for me (never get disordered eating, kids! it’ll wreck your life!)

He Goes Forth

I was really looking forward to this rite, but it ended up not panning out as well as I had wanted. My schedule this week has been completely upended several ways, and so I didn’t prep for this ritual as much as I would have hoped. But it still went smoothly and I was able to give Wpwt several petitions to listen to. I can only hope my weak offering game won’t be a problem.

I have a very old icon that was given to me by someone. It was originally for Anup, but I’ve always associated it with Wpwt, so I opted to use that, since I wasn’t having an inspiration about any art. And while I feel like Wpwt was listening, he never said anything that I could catch, so I have very little to report on that front.

Upcoming February Rites

I wanted to have a small section where I talk about how February’s Year of Rites is going to go. As everyone knows, I’ve made rubrics for all of the basic rites that we’ll come across throughout the year, and I’ve been on the fence about whether each ritual for each month should be different, or if there would be benefit to repeating a ritual rubric several times throughout the year. Currently, I’ve decided that I’ll be reusing most of the rites from Jan for Feb. Here’s the breakdown:

  • Monthly Ma’at: This rite will be the same, but I will also be crafting my own version of this over here. I’ll be inserting it into the middle of the rite, right after “She exists before you forever”
  • Akhu: The same rite will be performed as January, with additional parts that are specifically tailored to my grandmother.
  • Propitiation: Same rite as January.
  • Execration: I need to make a new rite that doesn’t include Ptah, technically. More to come on this front.

See what others are doing:

 
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Posted by on January 31, 2019 in Kemeticism, Making Ma'at, Year of Rites

 

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Year of Rites: January Execration Rubric

Since the multi-day festival for Ptah ends on the 28th, I figured I would weave him into my execration goings on. If you’d rather insert a different deity in this rite, you could, or you could generalize it to encompass all of the NTRW.

This execration involves some sort of effigy that you’d want to prepare ahead of time. I will likely be using a paper effigy, but you’re welcome to use other stuff if you’d prefer. I haven’t written specific ritual actions for destroying the effigy in this situation, because I’d rather people focus on the cathartic release than specifically following the actions that are laid out in the text of the rubric.

That being said, there are actions that are laid out in the text off the rubric, and you’re welcome to time your ritual actions with said text.

After the execration portion is done, a more succinct version of the usual offering structure follows, so you’ll need all of the usual trappings as you would in a normal ritual setting (candle, libations, offerings, ma’at.)

Now go smite that isfet.


In honor of the Heart and Tongue of the Ennead,
He, the father who made Atum, who gave birth to Atum,
Whose Heart makes the Gods and the People understand the way of ma’at.
I stand behind you as you stand behind me.
I go before you, as Wpwt goes before you,
To find and annihilate all of the enemies, seen and unseen.
I go out as Horus of Edfu, Lord of the bow and arrows,
And send my arrows out into the pupils of our enemies,
So that nobody hostile remains in your Retinue.
I give you the Nine Bows as prisoners,
O you who knows how to entrap the Nine Bows.
I ensure that your enemies are on the ground,
So that you can trample them with the soles of your sandals.

O you who knows how to make things Become,
I perform this act in your Name so that your enemies shall fall,
and ma’at may spring forth renewed in peace.
Hear me with both of your ears!
See me with both of your eyes!
Place your merciful face upon me and witness
the destruction of the foe of Ra!

For I have come to fell him, the foe of Ra.
To destroy his name, and to chastise his name and magic!
O he who is imprisoned in the arms of Aker,
Whose face is cut away because of what he has done,
and who suffers for his evil character.
He who has neither arms nor legs and is constrained to one space,
As Re and his Eye will it, for they have power over him in every respect.

*Take up your piece of paper, this is where you get to yell at it, stomp on it, tear it up, light it on fire, etc. Follow the prompts in the rubric or do what you feel. Get cathartic.*

Get back a/pep, get back you rebel of Ra
O Bowel, be destroyed before Ra, for I know the evil that you create.
Be spat upon oh enemy of ma’at!
Feel the weight of my legs as my foot crushes your body.
Your head is cut off! Your body is cut into pieces! You are powerless against my Effectiveness!
Flames cut into your face! Fire consumes your soul!
The knife of the execution-block is in your flesh!
Taste the cutting of the Great God!

Wither, wither! Languish, languish from the magic in my mouth!
Be put to the fire and be destroyed! Be fallen and crushed!
Thoth’s fingers are in your eyes and his magic has laid hold of you.
Your form is annihilated, your shape is destroyed in all of its places and forms.
You are rendered impotent, your soul does not exist.
Your seat does not exist. Your children do not exist.
You are utterly destroyed in every place.

Hail Ptah! Hail Re! Hail Atum! Hail the Company of the NTRW!
I have come and slain a/pep. I have taken away the heart of the Ill-Disposed One.
I have put rejoicing back in the Barque of Millions.
The hearts of the crew of Re are rejoicing within their shrines,
The souls of the gods are at peace on the double horizon.
Re is triumphant over his foes! As he is triumphant, I am triumphant!

O my father, Lord of the Gods, Greatest of the Ennead,
first primeval one, who created men, after whose coming into being all beings came into being.
I am truly the son of your heart. Divine is my heart, which issued forth from you.
The world rejoices when you appear, and magic is your protection.
Come O Ra, Come O Ptah, Come you NTRW,
Come in peace and look upon what I have done to a/pep.
His house is destroyed, his wall is ruined, his body destroyed.
Your heavens are established and your cities are firmly rooted.
The Two Lands are in joy, and the hearts of all of the NTRW are glad
for a/pep has fallen into the fire.
All of the foes of all of the NTRW are fallen.
All of the NTRW are triumphant over their enemies.
I stand behind the NTRW and make their arms strong
so that their enemies may be destroyed, as I have on this day.

Presentation of Light:

*Turn on light or light candle, etc.*

As disorder is removed and Order restored,
the Glorious Eye of Horus awakes in peace.
Be strong and renew your youth in peace.
You shine like Ra on the double horizon.
Your word is ma’at, by reason of your Eye, whole and pure.
The Eye of Horus destroys all of the enemies of the
Two Lands in all of their places.
The beauty of the Eye of Horus shines Glorious and Complete.

Presentation of Libations:

Greetings to you, primordial water
You, the father of the gods.

*Pour the libation into a cup or bowl*

This libation is for you, O Lords of Ma’at, come drink it.
Take the vase filled with the emanations of your ka; it is what comes out of you
I pour for you the primordial water to satisfy your statue;
your heart is revived by the waters of youth
I have brought you this Eye of Horus and placed it at your feet.
So that you may renew your youth in peace.

Presentation of Offerings to the Gods:

The slaughterhouse of the NTRW is full.
I have acted on behalf of my lord,
Lord of the Slaughter, who-sits-upon-his-oil-barque,
To provide you with the hearts of your enemies.

*place offerings on shrine/altar*

Their bones are beneath your feet.
Their voices are silences.
Their names are unknown.
They do not exist.

Offering Ma’at:

I have removed falsehood in your time,
Ma’at triumphs in your space.
I have delivered to you the Four Pillars of your Domain.
May the NTRW be satisfied with what I have done.
I have brought Order out of Chaos.
I have made your Domain flourish like Zep Tepi
through the precepts of ma’at.
I have established you within your Domain.
I raise the sky for you,
the horizon is high,
the sky is firm on its four pillars.

Your ma’at is for you, O Great Gods,
She is in front of you, She emerges from your lips, She cuts your tongue.
Your heart lives when she rises before you.
Ma’at comes to you, in all of her radiance.
Your heart is glad when she appears before you.
She has come so that she may be with you.
Ma’at is in every place that is yours,
So that you may rest upon her.
Ma’at has taken her position within your shrine.
Thoth, the One who is Great of Magic, makes protection for you
And overthrows your enemies.
Ma’at is established throughout your Domain, truly twice established.
She resides in your heart for eternity.
Have peace and flourish through Her for all eternity.

Reverting the Offerings:

O NTRW, your enemies withdraw from you.
Heru has turned himself to his Eye in its name of
Reversion-of-Offerings.
These your divine offerings revert;
They revert to your servants for life, stability, health and joy.
So that you may flourish for eternity.

 

 
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Posted by on January 27, 2019 in Kemeticism, Year of Rites

 

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Jan 31: He Opens the Way

So I had an idea that completely side-railed me that I want to try and do this year. I wanted to hold a ritual for Wpwt on Jan 31 as a means of opening up the rest of the year for continued success. In many ways, I consider January a liminal time. You’re still adjusting to the fact that it’s a new year. You’re probably still writing down the wrong date halfway through January. It’s a period of shifting from what was (the year prior) to what is (the current, new year.) Since Wpwt is associated with anything that goes first (such as the first born) because he opens the way for that First to happen, I thought it would be interesting to experiment with asking him to officially open up the year so that we can meet our goals and/or needs.

The version that I will be doing of this ritual will include petitions from others along with petitions for myself. For those who want to participate at home, you’re welcome to only read off your own requests to Wpwt, or you’re welcome to share them around and have multiple people read off your requests to Wpwt. If you’re reading this and want to participate but don’t have the ability to do so, feel free to contact me directly with what you’d like to submit for a petition, and I’ll add it to my ritual.


Approaching the Shrine:

O you two pillars of Ra, I rise up to meet you, and I enter between you.
I am one whose mouth is pure, whose teeth are strong,
and what I detest is wrong doing against Atum, because I honor Ma’at.
Oh you doorkeeper, prepare a path for me that I may pass,
for I am one who washes their mouth and who chews on myrrh, who lives on ma’at.
Prepare a path for me for I live on what they live on,
and I am alive and flourishing forever and ever.
I come and go between the two pillars of Ra and the two djed pillars of Geb.
I am one whose mouth is pure!

O He who separates the sky from the earth, in your powers guiding Ra on the hidden paths,
Allow me near to you. Allow me into your presence, in all of your places.
I have come that I might give great abundance in the presence of Wpwt.
I entering into the abode of the Great God,
I have come to you with my soul behind me and my authority before me.
I have made my way and I enter into your presence.
I am one of you.
Do not repulse me on the god’s path.
My feet are not impeded, I am not turned back from the god’s place.
I have looked upon you. I know you.
I have entered this place with ma’at in my heart.

*Step forward, or open the shrine, depending on your setup*

I open your temple. I come to you.
Your warmth and beauty surrounds me as I enter. I am not repulsed.
Behold, I have come to you to offer Ma’at,
to make sound the Eye for its lord.

Presentation of Light:

*Turn on light or light candle, etc.*

May you awake in Beauty, O Glorious Eye of Heru.
Be strong and renew your youth in peace.
You shine like Ra on the double horizon.
Your word is ma’at, by reason of your Eye, whole and pure.
The Eye of Horus destroys all of the enemies of the
Two Lands in all of their places.
Nothing is hidden from the fiery sight
Of the Eye of Horus, Glorious and Complete.

Purification of offering space:

*Take up water bowl/pitcher*

O water, may you remove all evil,
I give you essential water, O Wpwt, a tide in your time.
I bring the flood waters to purify your sanctuary.
I bring you the flood waters to purify your temple
and your statue in your place.

*wet your finger and touch the four sides of your shrine, offering table or plate, etc.*

O Wpwt, your altar is cleansed by the water;
Your altar is purified by the incense;
You are cleansed by Horus;
You are purified by Thoth.
Water invigorates your body;
It is I, your servant,
who comes to you in the palace where you reside.

Presentation of Libations:

Greetings to you, primordial water
Greetings to you, O river
Greetings to you, Great Flood,
You, the father of the gods.

*Pour the libation into a cup or bowl*

This libation is for you, O Glittering One.
This libation is for you, O Foremost of the Ennead, come drink it.
Take the vase filled with the emanations of your ka; it is what comes out of you
I pour for you the primordial water to satisfy your statue;
your heart is revived by the waters of youth
I have brought you this Eye of Horus and placed it at your feet.
I present to you that which flows from you
So that you may renew your youth in peace.

Presentation of Offerings:

I come near you, O Lord of the Heavens,
I bring the food and provisions for your subsistence.
Your altars are piled high with offerings of all sorts and forms.
Every follower, every servant, every devotee has come
To bring you the bounty of their hearts
So that you will truly be he who is satisfied among his offerings.

*place offerings on shrine/altar*

I am Hathor, the Lady of Nourishment;
Who multiplies the cakes and gives life
to the one who is faithful to her.
I have brought you nourishment
so that you may Thrive.
For as you Live, I Live.

Offering Ma’at:

Homage to you O He who opens the beautiful Path.
Who is Established upon His Seat.
I have placed myself on the floor in awe of you.
I embrace the earth before you.
I have come to you as Thoth, and my two hands are joined under ma’at.
Your ma’at is for you, O Great God,
She is in front of you, She emerges from your lips, She cuts your tongue.
Your heart lives when she rises before you.
Ma’at comes to you, in all of her radiance.
Your heart is glad when she appears before you.
She has come so that she may be with you.
Ma’at is in every place that is yours,
So that you may rest upon her.
Ma’at has taken her position within your shrine.
Thoth, the One who is Great of Magic, makes protection for you
And overthrows your enemies.
Ma’at is established throughout your Domain, truly twice established.
She resides in your heart for eternity.
Have peace and flourish through Her, O Lord of the Two Cobras.

O venerable god, I draw near to you.
Hear me, He who opens the body of his mother.
Hear me and see that the first month of 2019 is at an end.
The liminal time between yesterday and tomorrow is coming to a close.
As your servants take their first steps into the rest of the year,
I beseech you to open the path for the rest of 2019.

O He who knows the hidden ways,
Hear the words of your servants, and help them find their way forward
towards a more balanced, ma’at-driven life in this 2019.
O God of Great Power, hear my request and help
Open the way for each of us so that we may continue to
Honor the NTRW for years to come.

[[insert your specific petition(s) here]]

O Lord of Ma’at,
I place myself behind you
On each and every day of this 2019
As you place yourself behind me
On each and every day of this 2019.

Oh beneficent NTR
May the path be open so that ma’at thrives for us
for the rest of 2019.

Reversionn of offerings:

O Lord of the Sacred Lands, your enemies withdraw from you.
Heru has turned himself to his Eye in its name of Reversion-of-Offerings.
These your divine offerings revert;
They revert to your servant for life, stability, health and joy.
So that you may flourish for eternity.


And if you want something else to do next week, check out Sat’s Ptah festival rubrics and schedule over here.

 
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Posted by on January 19, 2019 in Kemeticism, Year of Rites

 

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